HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND

(Pyro’s good ol’ Intro Music) (Boy where did that go?) (Reads tweet) Still waiting on Pyrocynical to start his minecraft let’s-play channel! (honestly kill me) (same fam) ..well that didn’t go too well… How’s it going boys and girls, So after all the drama that’s happened recently I thought we would relax By uh, breaking down one of the best people I’ve seen on Youtube. This boy is legendary, and today he will teach you how to get laid. (no joke) (i want him now) Hi guys, I’m taking a break from my regular, petition videos this week, because I’m kind of in hope for- I’m looking for an internet or a real life girlfriend (boi you’re two) (Sexy tongue for tonguing people) (Why are you still here?) What is this?! So if you haven’t noticed already, this boy is a complete p***y slayer Any girl in bed with him would get absolutely destroyed.

There would be no remains! This kid’s got everything. He’s got a legendary set of Yu-gi-Oh cards, He’s got his own Minecraft Let’s-Play channel, with like, two subs (that just sounds like me..) I recently broke up with my other (imaginary) girlfriend Fat lesbian: I love how the World Star logo just appears at the bottom right, like, “Guys!

This is serious drama, World Star needs to document it. -broke up with my other (Accurate representation of World Star) I recently broke up with my other girlfriend, because some guy on Facebook, kind of convinced me that he was a girl and we been sexting each other (don’t trust people on the internet, kids) (Pyro trying to comprehend what just happened) This kid just admitted; not only did he get catfished by a forty year old man, (but you never know, he could be two as well) that he has been sexting with someone online!https://naijschools.com/reasons-why-facebook-dating-is-not-working/ I love how this kid, just, doesn’t have any secrets If something just happened in his life man, He would just put it on YouTube and talk about it man. (o noes so many mans) #AnythingForYouTubeMoney I’ve sent him pictures of my body and stuff. (WOAH CHILD) C R I N G E and then he just turned around yesterday and told me, he was hermaphrodite. I don’t even know what that is he just said “I’m a male herda- her- hermadafodide or hermadafodide.” fat les: Now this- (laughs) this is the point in the video where I think he’s like *actually* being ironic and he’s just baiting.

Because…I just gotta put it out there, NO ONE is this (laughs) retarded. No one. Like the way he pronounces words, the way how he’s openly admitting he’s sending pictures of himself to 40 year old men. No one is this stupid, no one.

H E R – H E R M A D A F O D I D E HERMADAFODIDE KID: I don’t know what that is, but I’m just gonna assume it’s something to do with homosexuality, and atheism, or something. Um…(Herda- her- hermadafodide) I’d prefer if you were like kind of tall-ish, kind of like a model-ish type of body, you’re hot- (why thank you hermadafodide guy) (slowed down for comedic affect) Y O U ‘ R E H O T (Herda- her- h) I- I like my tan girls, like (Herda-) Like if you’re covered in fake tan, that’s kind of okay, but don’t- don’t go OT where you look like Snookie. PYRO: I have no idea who Snookie is, I need to just uh…just Google this…uh Ohhh….. Ohhh noooo~….. (this kid is racist kinda maybe) HERMADAFODIDE KID: But Snooki’s kind of hot too. Um…. (Her- hermadaf-) I kind of like black hair, like look I’ve got black Justin Bieber-type hair (Isn’t that pyro’s hair?) It’s very gorgeous, as you can see (Hermadafodide or) Uh I- I- My face is actually very clear, I have gorGOUS LUSCIOUS EYES MY….my friends tell me that.

PYRO: Yeah that’s really hot you know, it really gets the girls going, you know, when you speak CLOSER TO THE MIC (like pyro right now) L I K E- L I K E T H I S (*EARRAPE*) T H E G I R L S T H E G I R L S L O V E – HERMADAFODIDE KID: I’ve got lovely teeth, (ew) I got a sexy tongue for tongue’ing people~ PYRO: (laughing) It’s like this kid’s sponsoring Colgate. Colgate Toothpaste: The New Advert. 2016 “Only Colgate Total has an antibacterial ingredient.” “It attaches to teeth- (Hermadafodide, or) “-that’s clinically proven to protect against a complete range of oral health problems.” “For a full 12 hours. No other toothpaste can do that.” (I got a sexy tongue) “Only Colgate Total reduces plaque by up to 98%.” “And gingivitis by up to 88%.” (Her-) (-madafodide) “It’s clean, even right after lunch the plaque didn’t come back.” (I got a sexy tongue for tongue’ing people) “I recommend it because I saw results.” “Colgate Total has complete 12 hour protection.” WHAT IS THIS?!

HERMADAFODIDE KID: I’ve also got a fit body as you can see. (no you’re fat) PYRO: Yeah it’s a very fit shoulder you’ve got there, you know, very good shoulder. It’s what women want, they want the shoulders. You know.

(Pyro’s good ol’ Intro Music) (Boy where did that go?) (Reads tweet) Still waiting on Pyrocynical to start his minecraft let’s-play channel! (honestly kill me) (same fam) ..well that didn’t go too well… How’s it going boys and girls, So after all the drama that’s happened recently I thought we would relax By uh, breaking down one of the best people I’ve seen on Youtube. This boy is legendary, and today he will teach you how to get laid. (no joke) (i want him now) Hi guys, I’m taking a break from my regular, petition videos this week, because I’m kind of in hope for- I’m looking for an internet or a real life girlfriend (boi you’re two) (Sexy tongue for tonguing people) (Why are you still here?) What is this?! So if you haven’t noticed already, this boy is a complete p***y slayer Any girl in bed with him would get absolutely destroyed.

There would be no remains! This kid’s got everything. He’s got a legendary set of Yu-gi-Oh cards, He’s got his own Minecraft Let’s-Play channel, with like, two subs (that just sounds like me..) I recently broke up with my other (imaginary) girlfriend Fat lesbian: I love how the World Star logo just appears at the bottom right, like, “Guys!

This is serious drama, World Star needs to document it. -broke up with my other (Accurate representation of World Star) I recently broke up with my other girlfriend, because some guy on Facebook, kind of convinced me that he was a girl and we been sexting each other (don’t trust people on the internet, kids) (Pyro trying to comprehend what just happened) This kid just admitted; not only did he get catfished by a forty year old man, (but you never know, he could be two as well) that he has been sexting with someone online! I love how this kid, just, doesn’t have any secrets If something just happened in his life man, He would just put it on YouTube and talk about it man. (o noes so many mans) #AnythingForYouTubeMoney I’ve sent him pictures of my body and stuff. (WOAH CHILD) C R I N G E and then he just turned around yesterday and told me, he was hermaphrodite. I don’t even know what that is he just said “I’m a male herda- her- hermadafodide or hermadafodide.” fat les: Now this- (laughs) this is the point in the video where I think he’s like *actually* being ironic and he’s just baiting.

Because…I just gotta put it out there, NO ONE is this (laughs) retarded. No one. Like the way he pronounces words, the way how he’s openly admitting he’s sending pictures of himself to 40 year old men. No one is this stupid, no one.

H E R – H E R M A D A F O D I D E HERMADAFODIDE KID: I don’t know what that is, but I’m just gonna assume it’s something to do with homosexuality, and atheism, or something. Um…(Herda- her- hermadafodide) I’d prefer if you were like kind of tall-ish, kind of like a model-ish type of body, you’re hot- (why thank you hermadafodide guy) (slowed down for comedic affect) Y O U ‘ R E H O T (Herda- her- h) I- I like my tan girls, like (Herda-) Like if you’re covered in fake tan, that’s kind of okay, but don’t- don’t go OT where you look like Snookie. PYRO: I have no idea who Snookie is, I need to just uh…just Google this…uh Ohhh….. Ohhh noooo~….. (this kid is racist kinda maybe) HERMADAFODIDE KID: But Snooki’s kind of hot too. Um…. (Her- hermadaf-) I kind of like black hair, like look I’ve got black Justin Bieber-type hair (Isn’t that pyro’s hair?) It’s very gorgeous, as you can see (Hermadafodide or) Uh I- I- My face is actually very clear, I have gorGOUS LUSCIOUS EYES MY….my friends tell me that.

PYRO: Yeah that’s really hot you know, it really gets the girls going, you know, when you speak CLOSER TO THE MIC (like pyro right now) L I K E- L I K E T H I S (*EARRAPE*) T H E G I R L S T H E G I R L S L O V E – HERMADAFODIDE KID: I’ve got lovely teeth, (ew) I got a sexy tongue for tongue’ing people~ PYRO: (laughing) It’s like this kid’s sponsoring Colgate. Colgate Toothpaste: The New Advert. 2016 “Only Colgate Total has an antibacterial ingredient.” “It attaches to teeth- (Hermadafodide, or) “-that’s clinically proven to protect against a complete range of oral health problems.” “For a full 12 hours. No other toothpaste can do that.” (I got a sexy tongue) “Only Colgate Total reduces plaque by up to 98%.” “And gingivitis by up to 88%.” (Her-) (-madafodide) “It’s clean, even right after lunch the plaque didn’t come back.” (I got a sexy tongue for tongue’ing people) “I recommend it because I saw results.” “Colgate Total has complete 12 hour protection.” WHAT IS THIS?!

HERMADAFODIDE KID: I’ve also got a fit body as you can see. (no you’re fat) PYRO: Yeah it’s a very fit shoulder you’ve got there, you know, very good shoulder. It’s what women want, they want the shoulders. You know.

They don’t want the tone body or the legs or the a**. They just want the shoulders. HERMADAFODIDE KID: Um….uh….you have to be into vampires. PYRO: Yeah guys, it’s really not too hard.

Just sit there with him, watch Cancer, Oh, and if you could become a mythical creature of the night. That’d be great as well. You know, it’s not a lot to ask for guys, HE’S doin’ all the legwork here. HERMADAFODIDE KID: (*stuttering*) I prefer if were into vampires, because I have a fetish for them. (O H G O D) PYRO: He says it so calmly, he’s like “Yeah guys, I’ve got a fetish for, uh, creatures of the night that suck people‘s blood. Could you please be a vampire?

Ple- If you’re not a vampire, I’m not interested, honestly mate. Jus- Just go away mate. No one cares.” HERMADAFODIDE KID: And also, I want you to meet my cat. You have to be into cats. Come here Mr.

Whiskers! (What a generic name) Say hello, Mr. Whiskers. (he’s cute though) (((WORLD STAR))) MR. WHISKERS: “Buy me a girlfriend!

We want a girlfriend for Jared!” PYRO: Never more in my life have I seen a cat….that wants to DIE. It just wants to die. Jus- it wants Jared to, just, leave him alone so he can die in peace. 🙁 PYRO: So, just a quick rundown, this is everything Jared wants for you to be him Dream Date. He doesn’t have a lot of requirements. Let’s just go through them quickly.

HERMADAFODIDE KID: So, you have to be a cat person, you have to be into vampires, you have to be able to make me, um, food and stuff, you have to have a hot body and preferably big boobs. I like nice butts…and lovely boobs. (slowed down for comedic affect) I L I K E N I C E B U T T S And you have to have fat blowjob lips. If you don’t have fat- blow- job- lips or a big tongue, then I’m not really interested to be honest. But, you’ll have to be like kind of into vampires. Um…no asians or um…. (that’s racist) (((Freddy Wong))) or like those sort of people.

It’s not that- like- I- I- I don’t really find them attractive, to be honest. And, no hairy girls! I got a call from a hairy girl she was like- I thought it was a man at first. So yeah, uh please hit me up with a messige (slowed down for comedic affect) M E S S I G E if you’re interested in dating, or going out, or whatever, and I’ll hope to get back to you. I AM looking for some hot, sexy young ladies, and if you can, please contact me ASAP because I just need the love of a woman…so, thank you.

Peace and love. PYRO: The amount of cringe that’s running through my bloodstream right now…I think it’s gonna kill me.(i can relate i watched all of your videos) I- It’s toxic, it’s- I feel- it hurts. (we need mlg shrek 5 mate come on) My entire body right now is just in pain. I think I’m gonna die. (because you don’t do mlg vids anymore) If any of you’ve been affected by the following video or think that this man is just too attractive please contact the following email that doesn’t exist: (or watch pdp) I mean, this kid has got some really niche fetishes. You gotta be a cat person a vampire Master Chef have a Hot Body nice butt boobs blowjob lips you can’t be Freddy Wong (laughs) And you can’t have any hair on you, so you know, uh….that’s pretty niche, I’m gonna be honest with you.

I don’t really know how many girls fit uh…ALL those categories mentioned. (HER- HERMADAFODIDE OR HER- HERMADAFODIDE) Be sure to comment down below what you want me to talk about next. And if this video reaches 1 like… I will set up a Patreon page for Jared.

And if it reaches $100,000…..within an hour I will get him laid with someone. Probably someone from Master Chef. *forced meme* (HERMADAFODIDE) I really did not enjoy subtitling this video. The world is filled with pain, sometimes excruciating.

And this video proves so. Goodbye, –Persons who made captions. (same but great work on maikng me want to die even more -person who did nothing but add cringe) ( H E R- H E R M A D A F O D I D E O R ) Kill me!