October 16, 2021

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OVERSHARING ONLINE – response to dodie & hazel | Melanie Murphy

Experts

Okay, my lights are shit. My hair isn’t done properly I don’t have my fancy bullshit blanket that I usually put onto my bed to make it look better, um I just want to talk. I don’t want to really have to edit this too much. So yesterday I watched a video by dodie and hazel hayes and and I’ll link it down below if you haven’t seen it But it was about over sharing it was called am I over sharing too much, and it addressed like cries for help And I guess um how little time we’ve had as a species to adapt to Fast and ever-changing Modern technologies, social Media. it was about sharing Mental health or lack thereof um With the internet and the positive and negative impacts that that can have on both the person sharing and on the audience absorbing that content. Honestly It made my thoughts start racing, um, because that’s been something that’s been on my mind quite a lot oversharing, and how that relates to what I do, um And I’ve been questioning.

Why I do it like do I do it for the reasons I’m going to discuss and I’m going to go into like attachment styles and all that kind of stuff in this video bit of psychology but also, I’m an educator, as like by trade, so um. I don’t know where the line is. None of us know where the line is. Is there a line at all? Should there be a line? human beings have never been in this position before where we can broadcast ourselves to tens or Hundreds or thousands or millions of people um and share anything. anything like most psychology experts Agree that over sharing is a method to cope with anxiety People use it to try and control anxiety but can result in more anxiety therefore more over sharing and Depending on the type of oversharing and the consistency of it it can spark off this big Negative Icky loop where you get stuck in it.https://www.mobileappdaily.com/free-online-dating-apps

Okay, my lights are shit. My hair isn’t done properly I don’t have my fancy bullshit blanket that I usually put onto my bed to make it look better, um I just want to talk. I don’t want to really have to edit this too much. So yesterday I watched a video by dodie and hazel hayes and and I’ll link it down below if you haven’t seen it But it was about over sharing it was called am I over sharing too much, and it addressed like cries for help And I guess um how little time we’ve had as a species to adapt to Fast and ever-changing Modern technologies, social Media. it was about sharing Mental health or lack thereof um With the internet and the positive and negative impacts that that can have on both the person sharing and on the audience absorbing that content. Honestly It made my thoughts start racing, um, because that’s been something that’s been on my mind quite a lot oversharing, and how that relates to what I do, um And I’ve been questioning.

Why I do it like do I do it for the reasons I’m going to discuss and I’m going to go into like attachment styles and all that kind of stuff in this video bit of psychology but also, I’m an educator, as like by trade, so um. I don’t know where the line is. None of us know where the line is. Is there a line at all? Should there be a line? human beings have never been in this position before where we can broadcast ourselves to tens or Hundreds or thousands or millions of people um and share anything. anything like most psychology experts Agree that over sharing is a method to cope with anxiety People use it to try and control anxiety but can result in more anxiety therefore more over sharing and Depending on the type of oversharing and the consistency of it it can spark off this big Negative Icky loop where you get stuck in it.

I love Dodie, we all know that, I met dodie in 2014 and in that time since 2014 her life has changed hugely like so much she’s had astronomical success as a musician and an internet personality and she’s been very open online about her mental health struggles I can literally see her Depersonalization which is a kind of detachment she suffers from what she’s spoken about herself but it’s like like I have witnessed her in a room full of people which she’s kind of like staring off into space or if you’re talking to directly to her, um sometimes you it’s like She’s not there behind the eyes It’s like she is there, but she’s not you’re looking at her while she’s floating above up here watching the conversation It’s very hard to explain, but you can tell That she is going through that and in one way I feel it would be very Un-genuine, disingenuous to not share that and to not talk about it But I’ve got to admit as others who adore her have admitted to her that I struggle to sometimes watch say Snapchat, or like read the captions of Instagram posts that she post firstly because it’s difficult and tough to see someone, anyone but especially someone you care about turn to a device without a pulse so consistently instead of other people to connect with um I find that hard and I kind of take that on a weight on to me um It’s just the way I am I kind of absorb everything that I subject myself to but you know what I mean like everything I look at and Engage with I do absorb that in some way and secondly because honestly I believe that if you absorb that kind of energy often It will affect your own energy and I’m really big on protecting my energy. I’m a very um Happy and optimistic person after a bunch of very shit years so I I am really Careful with what I kind of let into my day-to-day circle everything in life has a ripple effect, and if you’re sharing very very very very dark and moments from your mental health like as you’re in the pits of it um to a huge audience You don’t know What impact that will have. You don’t know how far-reaching the impact of your words will be the positive way to see this though is that Yes Her sharing in the midst of all of this And she’s one of very few people really out of the whole worlds population who have this kind of audience and who do share these things that it helps a lot and let people feel less alone And it does inspire and motivate other people to reach out and seek help and sort out their issues and sort through them.

Experts

I know that I myself used to rely on people talking about Mental health however They’d always talk about it in hindsight. Never like in the midst of it when they’re still dealing with it um But again like like hazel and dodie touched on in dodie’s video When you are so afraid of turning to other people to ask for help Out of fear of being a burden or a fear of it being embarrassing and stuff like that that’s really really sad and I think that’s one of society’s biggest problems right now and I think that massively contributes to anxiety and depression levels being at a peak like studies show this. Those huge correlations, causation Humans have Gotten to where we are through Human connection, and we’re losing that with technology We’re like we don’t go to church anymore and no, and I’m not religious you guys know this I don’t like the institution of Religion however um you know the act of going and knowing that you have this big community and Support and stuff like that like that’s just not there as much anymore people don’t play on sports teams as often and go and do hobbies and clubs and all that kind of thing because research shows how much extra amount of time people are spending online every day, so again, it’s become natural to seek um validation and and stuff from and comfort from virtual people. We have this crippling fear of Opening up and of being vulnerable and we rely on our phones to act as this shield Like an armour to protect us from… I don’t know what the fuck we’re trying to protect ourselves from but Yeah, we go and vent on our phones on social media like with passive-Aggressive shitty tweets and There’s just a lot of feelings about this According to research there are three main attachment styles in humans there is secure attachment style Avoidant attachment style, and anxious attachment style You can read up more about these, but they’re part genetic and they’re part of um a byproduct of like how we were brought up by Parents and all that kind of thing and the anxious attachment style makes up for about 15% of the population and these people are more likely to overshare on Social Media if you had inconsistent nurturing for whatever reason it doesn’t mean you had to have bad parents or anything like that but you know like my Family there’s divorce and asdfghjkl just so many things um going from child minder to child minder all that kind stuff and You’re more over sensitive to social cues so some people just struggle more with technology This is why you might see that you’re friends with certain people on Facebook And they never feel the need to share anything and they barely ever post but they use it to like you know just share funny jokes or keep in touch with their friends through messages and stuff and other people might spill their absolute guts and souls on Facebook or Tumblr or Twitter or Reddit or wherever like usually people will focus in on one or two platforms like for me It’s Youtube and probably Twitter and Instagram stories the reason is talking about yourself stimulates the parts of your brain associated with like reward and addiction and you get a rush when you share information, you just get this kind of Very quick like that, and it makes you want to keep doing it and doing it and doing it you’re getting a rush out of sharing more than you probably should um so makes total sense but like Should we exercise more self-control?

Don’t know I know I overshare absolutely do and on my channel and even more so in my book which I know, feckin I’m getting terrified of it coming out now Just because I know it’s on the final print run and they can’t do anything about it now I offer up a lot of anecdotes out of my life, and I don’t know if I’ll regret this one day um Regrets are stupid like they are but at the same time. I don’t know if certain things I talked about or spoken about will come back to bite me um Maybe it just doesn’t matter cause other people don’t really care that much um You know when you hear something about someone else that you don’t know. In the moment you’re like OH! But you don’t carry that around forever. You know the amount of things I’ve heard or heard people say and I just forget about it straight away, and Yeah, we’re going back to the mental health stuff.

Sorry I can’t get fucking comfortable in this video um one thing that I definitely try to practice is that I only really delve into mental health stuff most of the time anyways after I’ve gotten through it so like I’ll Go through something. I’ll try deal with it as best I can and learn from it and then I take what I’ve learned and and Ways I have grown and stuff like that, and I try and talk about stuff in hindsight and share with you guys after the fact To be helpful and to educate and spread awareness and stuff I feel like that’s more helpful than if I shared while it’s happening like when my dad nearly died last year if Like I was on the floor sobbing crying drooling on the carpet like For me to share in the middle of all of that, how I was feeling. How dark it was in my brain I just don’t think that that energy, me putting that out there would have fucking helped anybody I just don’t.

Whereas I got through it all and then I turned it into art like Dodie’s talked about this, but you know I’m Turning your broken heart into art is a whole saying on the internet but I made a short little filmy thing called dear separation anxiety and I channeled it into making that video and And I left it there you know what I mean? Um I think I don’t know that’s the way that works for me, but the thing is There’s no right way to do things we’ve got no guidebook I still overshare that information like I’m sharing that with thousands and thousands of thousands of people and when many people would go through that and they’d share it with their tight circle like three or four or five people so I don’t know if the long-term Effects of that will be positive even though the short-term effects of me making that little short film about something that’s something so personal Were positive like I have talked about so many aspects of myself, my brain, things I’ve been through In many ways and I don’t know Even though it helps me in the moment And it does help other people like there’s no way to know we’re all literally fucking pissing into the wind with this Something I know for sure is if part of what you do as a full-time youtuber is open your heart and like you know you might be through music through vlogging through filmmaking um whatever writing and stuff taking time out for real human connection is so Fucking important. I’m really mentally happy, but I have shit, down days And I remember times in the past when I wanted the ground to swallow me up, but is Sharing in the middle of that going to be productive or not like do you guys think I overshare? that we over share like YouTubers in general. Have I shared things with you guys my audience that you guys would find Difficult to share with your own families or your therapists? Do you think Dodie goes into too much detail about Poor mental health online or does that help you or do you find it detrimental?

I really want to know what you guys all think about this in the comments And I hope more people make videos about this I’m trying to figure out where I stand and how I should go forward like I’m fucking crazy about someone right now and I You know when when that happens in your life, and Your brain does crazy shit is it not politically correct anymore to say the word crazy. I don’t know. It’s just part of my vocabulary Sorry, if it is and but you know what I mean like and that’s something that I feel like am I holding am I am I lying by Not telling you guys about all that stuff?

Is that dishonest? Or is me keeping that for myself me protecting myself Because of past experiences like I I just don’t know anymore. Talk to me down below anyway And big hugs. I’ll see you in another video very soon Bye guys