August 3, 2021

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3 Reasons to Break Up with Him

Dating

Hey girls, look at this baby bump. I’m seriously gonna show you this every time because I love it so much. Can you see it? Looks good.

I can see it in there. Thank you. I love it. We just finished our Instagram photo shoot for our Instagram announcement of pregnancy and we had ice cream involved because we’re eating for three and ice cream is a big part of our relationship. So while James is chowing down — I didn’t know it was in the freezer, so this is a very special surprise — like Christmas morning so — so while he’s chowing down on that, we’re just gonna have a short little chat with you guys impromptu about dating.

And the whole theme of this is: Should I stay with him or should I go? Because you girls write in a lot of questions that are amazing questions about boys that you’re dating or thinking about dating and different issues that you see in the relationship, and you’re like, “Is this a red flag? Is this something I should leave or is it okay?

Can we work through this?” And I don’t like to give like super specific advice because I don’t know you and I don’t know your boyfriend; like you really need someone who’s older and wiser in your life who knows you and your boyfriend who can kind of speak into your relationship. But I did figured we’d take three of the commonly asked scenarios and share our advice on these three specific scenarios in general, as to whether we would stay or we would go. And the choice is yours alone to make, but hopefully these thoughts can help you.https://cc.bingj.com/cache.aspx?q=interracial+dating+sites So scenario number one. I love saying “scenario” (with soft “a”).

Some people say scenario” (with hard a) and it sounds very nasily. “Scenario” (soft a) makes me feel very British, I think. Um shout out to Matt and Est, my friends from Great Britain. Where was I? Oh yeah so scenario number one is: I’ve been going back and forth a lot with my feelings for this guy, like some days I feel like yes this is perfect, this is awesome, I want to be with this guy, and then some days I’m like, I really don’t wanna be with him, I don’t think this is right. How do I know which feeling to go on?

Should I stay or should I go? And this is something that I experienced a lot in one of my relationships when I was in my 20s and I was dating this guy and he was wonderful. Like he treated me so well, we had so much fun together, we talked about everything, like it was a really healthy, really good relationship in so many ways, but I just like couldn’t totally fall in love with him. And we were dating for like a year and a half and I just felt like, “Why can I not fall in love with this guy?” And I couldn’t figure it out, why I what my emotions were so up and down.

Wo I decided to track them in a calendar, which I called my “emolander” because it was an emotional calendar, and every day I would just put like an emoji face on it that described my mood that day, because I wanted to see like, is this correlated to like my period once a month, or is this just like totally random? And as I tracked it I realized that it was totally random. Like some days I really liked him, some days I was indifferent, and some days I was like, I don’t want to be in this relationship. And it just went like that all month long for like two months.

So I was like, okay this is probably not a good sign. And so I was talking with my friend Joel about it– I’m talking a lot. If you want to butt it in any– no no no no. I’m engaged. I’ve also been like thinking about this every night and I just told him about this idea five minutes ago and was like, “Want to eat ice cream and throw in your two cents while I talk?” And he was like, “Oh my favorite thing, eating ice cream.

Sure.” Pretty much. That’s pretty much true. So my friend Joel I was talking to about this; he was one of my really good friends at the time, and he’s like, “Tiff, if you knew that there was a guy out there for you someday who was everything you’d prayed for. Not that he’s gonna be like everything on your checklist, but that he’s exactly who God has for you and you’re gonna be really excited to be with him, would you still stay with this boyfriend?” And I was like, “Not for a second.

I would break up with him right now.” And Joel was like, “That’s like telling because that means that you’re walking by fear– fear of being alone, fear of not finding the right person, of you know never falling in love, but God doesn’t call us to walk by fear, He calls us to walk by faith– faith that He’s good and that He has good things in store for us.” And that was really the turning point for me where I was like, you’re right like I’m not in love with this guy, I really don’t even want to be with him, I’m just afraid of being alone, and that’s not fair to either of us, that’s not fair to put him through that emotional roller coaster, and so I broke up with him. Yeah I think that’s really good advice and what I think makes that so true is that you’ve been dating this guy for like a year and a half. Yeah. So you really knew what he was like and he really knew what you were like. That’s a good point.

A lot of times you have these feelings at the beginning of a relationship and all that means is one thing: Congratulations you’re a woman. You will feel that way. And guys are gonna feel that way too especially early on. I would say in the first three months, very normal to feel that way.

If you’re dating someone you know, once you really get to know them and they really get to know you and you’re interacting with their friends and they’re interacting with your friends and you know your lives are more intertwined, then when you start having this up and down, that that’s more of a– that’s when you should kind of probably ask yourself those questions and talk– talk to people who are wiser than you are, that are observing you. That can be really helpful. They can never tell you what to do, but a lot of times they can point you in good directions and they can help you really understand what’s going on inside. That’s so good. See okay how is it even fair– I think about this for days and then you have five minutes and you’re not even thinking about anything but ice cream and you come up with that.

Great freezer-burn ice cream is powerful. No I hate freezer burn. I will not eat any more of that ice cream.

That’s disgusting. More for me. It’s been in our freezer for like three months, and our freezer does not work well– it’s like a freezerburn heaven.

Whatever, it’s ice cream. No, it’s not ice cream anymore. Doesn’t go bad. So I hope that helps, so um if you’ve been with them a short time, maybe try it awhile. If you’ve been with him a long time, personally I would go, but that’s just me.

So scenario number two: This is a question we get a lot is: My boyfriend struggles with pornography. Should I stay or should I go? That’s a great question. Personally I think that it depends on his attitude toward the struggle and the extent to which he struggles with it.

Here’s what I mean. So in our culture a lot of guys have this very cavalier attitude, like oh I’m a man, of course I struggle with porn, it’s no big deal. Or you don’t even use the word struggle. You’re like, I’m a man, I like at porn. Whatever.

Yeah that’s true. And that like whatever or it’s not a big deal attitude, that is a big deal. That’s a very telling sign. You want somebody– I mean there’s been a lot of studies done– we’ve talked about this in other videos– about how much porn destroys relationships and intimacy and your own life. It’s an addiction.

You wouldn’t marry someone who was addicted to crack. I hope not. Yeah and so like if you –and so like it’s really is a big deal.

But it is also a real struggle for guys. Like guys were made biologically to want to see a naked woman. Like um girls we are hot, like our bodies– or just any hot woman– yeah that’s true, not even necessarily naked. And so like porn is a real struggle and it’s really easily accessible, so this is something that a lot of really awesome guys do struggle with, but if they have the attitude of like, “I want to honor God in my life, I have accountability in my life, I have systems in place to work through this and to hold me accountable to staying true to what I know to be God’s way,” um I think that attitude is awesome. Because nobody you marry is gonna be perfect.

Everyone’s gonna have a struggle of some sort. Or a lot of struggles. Yeah I think a lot of times it’s just– I struggle with overeating. Case in point. Well you haven’t eaten very much yet.

Well okay I take that back; you’ve been eating for a while. But I think a lot of it is figuring out which struggles you can live with in your spouse and also like how the person works through those struggles. Like that’s very — the person’s attitude is everything. If your boyfriend has said, “Look I got to be honest with you, I do look at porn occasionally,” you know that’s a sign of a person of character. If the way that you found out about your boyfriend’s pornography habit is you happen to look on his phone or his computer and he was maybe even pretending that he wasn’t looking at porn, that is a big deal because that is a person who’s trying to hide their sin, who’s trying to whitewash their their issues, and that is not good because if there are some– if that person is inclined to try to cover up issues instead of dealing with them, there’s gonna be other issues that they’re gonna try to cover up rather than dealing with.So really how they deal with an issue like porn shows you how they’ll deal with other issues in life.

So it’s a great way to get to observe who this person really is, what they’re like. The other factor that I think is really important is the extent to which it has impacted their life. Even if they do really want to get help, if this is something that they’re constantly struggling with every hour of the day– I know there are some people who porn has become such a huge stronghold in their life, it’s like they can’t go a day without being on there all day, forgetting about work, forgetting about their responsibilities, like porn is their life.

In that case I would leave, because even if they’re trying to get help, they need time to get help on their own. And yeah that would– what Tiffany is describing is the same thing as if someone is legitimately an alcoholic or legitimately addicted to some other kind of behavior altering drug. Like you do need you need professional help for something like that. Yeah and I think like having friends is good, but he can’t do it for you.

And you have to be able to see over a long amount of time– not just two month,s but like over a year or two years, like is he really making a change in his behaviors? Do you agree with that? Or maybe you don’t need to quite a whole year but you need like some time.

I can’t just be like, “I’ve been working through this for two weeks that’s great!” But you need more time than that to know if you really had– I can even go two weeks without eating ice cream. I mean can you really? Probably two weeks. Probably not three though.

Hey girls, look at this baby bump. I’m seriously gonna show you this every time because I love it so much. Can you see it? Looks good.

I can see it in there. Thank you. I love it. We just finished our Instagram photo shoot for our Instagram announcement of pregnancy and we had ice cream involved because we’re eating for three and ice cream is a big part of our relationship. So while James is chowing down — I didn’t know it was in the freezer, so this is a very special surprise — like Christmas morning so — so while he’s chowing down on that, we’re just gonna have a short little chat with you guys impromptu about dating.

And the whole theme of this is: Should I stay with him or should I go? Because you girls write in a lot of questions that are amazing questions about boys that you’re dating or thinking about dating and different issues that you see in the relationship, and you’re like, “Is this a red flag? Is this something I should leave or is it okay?

Can we work through this?” And I don’t like to give like super specific advice because I don’t know you and I don’t know your boyfriend; like you really need someone who’s older and wiser in your life who knows you and your boyfriend who can kind of speak into your relationship. But I did figured we’d take three of the commonly asked scenarios and share our advice on these three specific scenarios in general, as to whether we would stay or we would go. And the choice is yours alone to make, but hopefully these thoughts can help you. So scenario number one. I love saying “scenario” (with soft “a”).

Some people say scenario” (with hard a) and it sounds very nasily. “Scenario” (soft a) makes me feel very British, I think. Um shout out to Matt and Est, my friends from Great Britain. Where was I? Oh yeah so scenario number one is: I’ve been going back and forth a lot with my feelings for this guy, like some days I feel like yes this is perfect, this is awesome, I want to be with this guy, and then some days I’m like, I really don’t wanna be with him, I don’t think this is right. How do I know which feeling to go on?

Should I stay or should I go? And this is something that I experienced a lot in one of my relationships when I was in my 20s and I was dating this guy and he was wonderful. Like he treated me so well, we had so much fun together, we talked about everything, like it was a really healthy, really good relationship in so many ways, but I just like couldn’t totally fall in love with him. And we were dating for like a year and a half and I just felt like, “Why can I not fall in love with this guy?” And I couldn’t figure it out, why I what my emotions were so up and down.

Wo I decided to track them in a calendar, which I called my “emolander” because it was an emotional calendar, and every day I would just put like an emoji face on it that described my mood that day, because I wanted to see like, is this correlated to like my period once a month, or is this just like totally random? And as I tracked it I realized that it was totally random. Like some days I really liked him, some days I was indifferent, and some days I was like, I don’t want to be in this relationship. And it just went like that all month long for like two months.

So I was like, okay this is probably not a good sign. And so I was talking with my friend Joel about it– I’m talking a lot. If you want to butt it in any– no no no no. I’m engaged. I’ve also been like thinking about this every night and I just told him about this idea five minutes ago and was like, “Want to eat ice cream and throw in your two cents while I talk?” And he was like, “Oh my favorite thing, eating ice cream.

Sure.” Pretty much. That’s pretty much true. So my friend Joel I was talking to about this; he was one of my really good friends at the time, and he’s like, “Tiff, if you knew that there was a guy out there for you someday who was everything you’d prayed for. Not that he’s gonna be like everything on your checklist, but that he’s exactly who God has for you and you’re gonna be really excited to be with him, would you still stay with this boyfriend?” And I was like, “Not for a second.

I would break up with him right now.” And Joel was like, “That’s like telling because that means that you’re walking by fear– fear of being alone, fear of not finding the right person, of you know never falling in love, but God doesn’t call us to walk by fear, He calls us to walk by faith– faith that He’s good and that He has good things in store for us.” And that was really the turning point for me where I was like, you’re right like I’m not in love with this guy, I really don’t even want to be with him, I’m just afraid of being alone, and that’s not fair to either of us, that’s not fair to put him through that emotional roller coaster, and so I broke up with him. Yeah I think that’s really good advice and what I think makes that so true is that you’ve been dating this guy for like a year and a half. Yeah. So you really knew what he was like and he really knew what you were like. That’s a good point.

A lot of times you have these feelings at the beginning of a relationship and all that means is one thing: Congratulations you’re a woman. You will feel that way. And guys are gonna feel that way too especially early on. I would say in the first three months, very normal to feel that way.

If you’re dating someone you know, once you really get to know them and they really get to know you and you’re interacting with their friends and they’re interacting with your friends and you know your lives are more intertwined, then when you start having this up and down, that that’s more of a– that’s when you should kind of probably ask yourself those questions and talk– talk to people who are wiser than you are, that are observing you. That can be really helpful. They can never tell you what to do, but a lot of times they can point you in good directions and they can help you really understand what’s going on inside. That’s so good. See okay how is it even fair– I think about this for days and then you have five minutes and you’re not even thinking about anything but ice cream and you come up with that.

Great freezer-burn ice cream is powerful. No I hate freezer burn. I will not eat any more of that ice cream.

That’s disgusting. More for me. It’s been in our freezer for like three months, and our freezer does not work well– it’s like a freezerburn heaven.

Whatever, it’s ice cream. No, it’s not ice cream anymore. Doesn’t go bad. So I hope that helps, so um if you’ve been with them a short time, maybe try it awhile. If you’ve been with him a long time, personally I would go, but that’s just me.

So scenario number two: This is a question we get a lot is: My boyfriend struggles with pornography. Should I stay or should I go? That’s a great question. Personally I think that it depends on his attitude toward the struggle and the extent to which he struggles with it.

Here’s what I mean. So in our culture a lot of guys have this very cavalier attitude, like oh I’m a man, of course I struggle with porn, it’s no big deal. Or you don’t even use the word struggle. You’re like, I’m a man, I like at porn. Whatever.

Yeah that’s true. And that like whatever or it’s not a big deal attitude, that is a big deal. That’s a very telling sign. You want somebody– I mean there’s been a lot of studies done– we’ve talked about this in other videos— about how much porn destroys relationships and intimacy and your own life. It’s an addiction.

You wouldn’t marry someone who was addicted to crack. I hope not. Yeah and so like if you –and so like it’s really is a big deal.

But it is also a real struggle for guys. Like guys were made biologically to want to see a naked woman. Like um girls we are hot, like our bodies– or just any hot woman– yeah that’s true, not even necessarily naked. And so like porn is a real struggle and it’s really easily accessible, so this is something that a lot of really awesome guys do struggle with, but if they have the attitude of like, “I want to honor God in my life, I have accountability in my life, I have systems in place to work through this and to hold me accountable to staying true to what I know to be God’s way,” um I think that attitude is awesome. Because nobody you marry is gonna be perfect.

Everyone’s gonna have a struggle of some sort. Or a lot of struggles. Yeah I think a lot of times it’s just– I struggle with overeating. Case in point. Well you haven’t eaten very much yet.

Well okay I take that back; you’ve been eating for a while. But I think a lot of it is figuring out which struggles you can live with in your spouse and also like how the person works through those struggles. Like that’s very — the person’s attitude is everything. If your boyfriend has said, “Look I got to be honest with you, I do look at porn occasionally,” you know that’s a sign of a person of character. If the way that you found out about your boyfriend’s pornography habit is you happen to look on his phone or his computer and he was maybe even pretending that he wasn’t looking at porn, that is a big deal because that is a person who’s trying to hide their sin, who’s trying to whitewash their their issues, and that is not good because if there are some– if that person is inclined to try to cover up issues instead of dealing with them, there’s gonna be other issues that they’re gonna try to cover up rather than dealing with.So really how they deal with an issue like porn shows you how they’ll deal with other issues in life.

So it’s a great way to get to observe who this person really is, what they’re like. The other factor that I think is really important is the extent to which it has impacted their life. Even if they do really want to get help, if this is something that they’re constantly struggling with every hour of the day– I know there are some people who porn has become such a huge stronghold in their life, it’s like they can’t go a day without being on there all day, forgetting about work, forgetting about their responsibilities, like porn is their life.

In that case I would leave, because even if they’re trying to get help, they need time to get help on their own. And yeah that would– what Tiffany is describing is the same thing as if someone is legitimately an alcoholic or legitimately addicted to some other kind of behavior altering drug. Like you do need you need professional help for something like that. Yeah and I think like having friends is good, but he can’t do it for you.

And you have to be able to see over a long amount of time– not just two month,s but like over a year or two years, like is he really making a change in his behaviors? Do you agree with that? Or maybe you don’t need to quite a whole year but you need like some time.

I can’t just be like, “I’ve been working through this for two weeks that’s great!” But you need more time than that to know if you really had– I can even go two weeks without eating ice cream. I mean can you really? Probably two weeks. Probably not three though.

Dating

Mmm. That’s probably fair. Yeah anything else you would say to that?

No. Okay, last scenario. Scenario number three. I actually don’t know how often this one’s been asked, this is not a popular one, but it should be. It’s really important.

So what about my boyfriend really struggles with money. He’s not wise with his money or a good steward of it, he kind of just spends on random things and doesn’t keep track of it, isn’t really good with it. Should I stay or should I go?

And I wanted to talk about this because I think that money issues are a huge factor in a long-term relationship. I think– correct me if I’m wrong- I think they’re one of the main reasons for divorce in our country. Yeah depending on which statistics you look at yes.

They’re a really big deal. So like the way you spend money is gonna impact every part of your life really, and it shows how you’ll be responsible in other areas of life, not just money, and so I think that both for you and for your boyfriend, that’s something you should be working on growing in always, whether you’re single or dating or married. That’s a really important life skill to work on and one that we’re often not taught.

And if we don’t see it modeled when we’re growing up, like we’re not gonna know how to do it, so you’re gonna have to learn. So I know like the Dave Ramsey course has been helpful for a lot of people– his Financial Peace courses– and like getting even a mentor, learning how to make a budget, learning how to stick to that, learning how to say no to items that seem really awesome and you want to just buy them anyway, but say no. With that that boyfriend I couldn’t decide whether to breakup with– the one issue in our relationship was money, and that was part of the reason I felt comfortable leaving him is because he would– I remember him buying me this nice camera for my birthday and apparently he told me later he’d found it originally in a different color and bought it and then he found it in the right color and bought it. I was like, “Oh okay so you returned the first one?” And he’s like, “Oh no.” He never returned it! It sat on his bedroom floor and the bill for it sat on his credit card.

And I found out that he had so much credit card debt! And that’s not– that’s not a reason to dump someone in and of itself I don’t think, like I’ve had credit card debt in my life, like there’s– I think that’s something that most Americans have had at some point, but he wasn’t working through it, he wasn’t trying to get out of it, he just kept buying and buying and adding to his credit card debt. And just that that was very irresponsible. And so yeah, so I think that again it’s their attitude toward the issue.

It’s are they learning how to work through it, are they taking steps to work through it, are you seeing real changes over time in their lives? That’s what you want to look for. It is a terrible terrible terrible idea to marry someone who is poor, a poor manager of money.

Now you can date someone who’s a poor manager of money, but you can’t marry that person. So if you want to get married to someone in the next couple of months or years and they’re a poor manager of money, they either need to shape up very quickly or you need to find someone else, because that’s a really big deal. You know, you cannot be a man if you can’t manage your money.

You’re still a boy. Yeah I would agree. I know that sounds really harsh, but I think it’s just really true.

You’ll thank me later. Yeah for real though. So those are our thoughts on should I stay or should I go — so girls what would you do in each of these scenarios? Sould you stay or would you go?

Comment your thoughts below. And if you want more boy talk, I actually have a whole book that I wrote and it’s called “Boycrazy: And how I ended up single and mostly sane.” It’s written like a novel and it’s really fun and easy to read and I had so much fun writing it and it just includes everything– all the big things I learned about dating and singleness between the ages of like 17 and 27 and it’s really fun. So if you want to check that out, you can get it on Amazon or on our website which is linked up above.

And I’ll see you girls next week. I love you all! Bye.

3 Reasons to Break Up with Him

Hey girls, look at this baby bump. I’m seriously gonna show you this every time because I love it so much. Can you see it? Looks good. I can see it in there.

Thank you. I love it. We just finished our Instagram photo shoot for our Instagram announcement of pregnancy and we had ice cream involved because we’re eating for three and ice cream is a big part of our relationship. So while James is chowing down — I didn’t know it was in the freezer, so this is a very special surprise — like Christmas morning so — so while he’s chowing down on that, we’re just gonna have a short little chat with you guys impromptu about dating. And the whole theme of this is: Should I stay with him or should I go?

Because you girls write in a lot of questions that are amazing questions about boys that you’re dating or thinking about dating and different issues that you see in the relationship, and you’re like, “Is this a red flag? Is this something I should leave or is it okay? Can we work through this?” And I don’t like to give like super specific advice because I don’t know you and I don’t know your boyfriend; like you really need someone who’s older and wiser in your life who knows you and your boyfriend who can kind of speak into your relationship. But I did figured we’d take three of the commonly asked scenarios and share our advice on these three specific scenarios in general, as to whether we would stay or we would go. And the choice is yours alone to make, but hopefully these thoughts can help you.

So scenario number one. I love saying “scenario” (with soft “a”). Some people say scenario” (with hard a) and it sounds very nasily. “Scenario” (soft a) makes me feel very British, I think. Um shout out to Matt and Est, my friends from Great Britain.

Where was I? Oh yeah so scenario number one is: I’ve been going back and forth a lot with my feelings for this guy, like some days I feel like yes this is perfect, this is awesome, I want to be with this guy, and then some days I’m like, I really don’t wanna be with him, I don’t think this is right. How do I know which feeling to go on? Should I stay or should I go? And this is something that I experienced a lot in one of my relationships when I was in my 20s and I was dating this guy and he was wonderful. Like he treated me so well, we had so much fun together, we talked about everything, like it was a really healthy, really good relationship in so many ways, but I just like couldn’t totally fall in love with him.

And we were dating for like a year and a half and I just felt like, “Why can I not fall in love with this guy?” And I couldn’t figure it out, why I what my emotions were so up and down. Wo I decided to track them in a calendar, which I called my “emolander” because it was an emotional calendar, and every day I would just put like an emoji face on it that described my mood that day, because I wanted to see like, is this correlated to like my period once a month, or is this just like totally random? And as I tracked it I realized that it was totally random.

Like some days I really liked him, some days I was indifferent, and some days I was like, I don’t want to be in this relationship. And it just went like that all month long for like two months. So I was like, okay this is probably not a good sign.

And so I was talking with my friend Joel about it– I’m talking a lot. If you want to butt it in any– no no no no. I’m engaged.

I’ve also been like thinking about this every night and I just told him about this idea five minutes ago and was like, “Want to eat ice cream and throw in your two cents while I talk?” And he was like, “Oh my favorite thing, eating ice cream. Sure.” Pretty much. That’s pretty much true. So my friend Joel I was talking to about this; he was one of my really good friends at the time, and he’s like, “Tiff, if you knew that there was a guy out there for you someday who was everything you’d prayed for.

Not that he’s gonna be like everything on your checklist, but that he’s exactly who God has for you and you’re gonna be really excited to be with him, would you still stay with this boyfriend?” And I was like, “Not for a second. I would break up with him right now.” And Joel was like, “That’s like telling because that means that you’re walking by fear– fear of being alone, fear of not finding the right person, of you know never falling in love, but God doesn’t call us to walk by fear, He calls us to walk by faith– faith that He’s good and that He has good things in store for us.” And that was really the turning point for me where I was like, you’re right like I’m not in love with this guy, I really don’t even want to be with him, I’m just afraid of being alone, and that’s not fair to either of us, that’s not fair to put him through that emotional roller coaster, and so I broke up with him. Yeah I think that’s really good advice and what I think makes that so true is that you’ve been dating this guy for like a year and a half.

Yeah. So you really knew what he was like and he really knew what you were like. That’s a good point. A lot of times you have these feelings at the beginning of a relationship and all that means is one thing: Congratulations you’re a woman.

You will feel that way. And guys are gonna feel that way too especially early on. I would say in the first three months, very normal to feel that way. If you’re dating someone you know, once you really get to know them and they really get to know you and you’re interacting with their friends and they’re interacting with your friends and you know your lives are more intertwined, then when you start having this up and down, that that’s more of a– that’s when you should kind of probably ask yourself those questions and talk– talk to people who are wiser than you are, that are observing you.

That can be really helpful. They can never tell you what to do, but a lot of times they can point you in good directions and they can help you really understand what’s going on inside. That’s so good. See okay how is it even fair– I think about this for days and then you have five minutes and you’re not even thinking about anything but ice cream and you come up with that.

Great freezer-burn ice cream is powerful. No I hate freezer burn. I will not eat any more of that ice cream. That’s disgusting. More for me.

It’s been in our freezer for like three months, and our freezer does not work well– it’s like a freezerburn heaven. Whatever, it’s ice cream. No, it’s not ice cream anymore. Doesn’t go bad. So I hope that helps, so um if you’ve been with them a short time, maybe try it awhile.

If you’ve been with him a long time, personally I would go, but that’s just me. So scenario number two: This is a question we get a lot is: My boyfriend struggles with pornography. Should I stay or should I go?

That’s a great question. Personally I think that it depends on his attitude toward the struggle and the extent to which he struggles with it. Here’s what I mean. So in our culture a lot of guys have this very cavalier attitude, like oh I’m a man, of course I struggle with porn, it’s no big deal.

Or you don’t even use the word struggle. You’re like, I’m a man, I like at porn. Whatever. Yeah that’s true.

And that like whatever or it’s not a big deal attitude, that is a big deal. That’s a very telling sign. You want somebody– I mean there’s been a lot of studies done– we’ve talked about this in other videos– about how much porn destroys relationships and intimacy and your own life.

It’s an addiction. You wouldn’t marry someone who was addicted to crack. I hope not. Yeah and so like if you –and so like it’s really is a big deal. But it is also a real struggle for guys.

Like guys were made biologically to want to see a naked woman. Like um girls we are hot, like our bodies– or just any hot woman– yeah that’s true, not even necessarily naked. And so like porn is a real struggle and it’s really easily accessible, so this is something that a lot of really awesome guys do struggle with, but if they have the attitude of like, “I want to honor God in my life, I have accountability in my life, I have systems in place to work through this and to hold me accountable to staying true to what I know to be God’s way,” um I think that attitude is awesome. Because nobody you marry is gonna be perfect.

Everyone’s gonna have a struggle of some sort. Or a lot of struggles. Yeah I think a lot of times it’s just– I struggle with overeating. Case in point.

Well you haven’t eaten very much yet. Well okay I take that back; you’ve been eating for a while. But I think a lot of it is figuring out which struggles you can live with in your spouse and also like how the person works through those struggles. Like that’s very — the person’s attitude is everything.

If your boyfriend has said, “Look I got to be honest with you, I do look at porn occasionally,” you know that’s a sign of a person of character. If the way that you found out about your boyfriend’s pornography habit is you happen to look on his phone or his computer and he was maybe even pretending that he wasn’t looking at porn, that is a big deal because that is a person who’s trying to hide their sin, who’s trying to whitewash their their issues, and that is not good because if there are some– if that person is inclined to try to cover up issues instead of dealing with them, there’s gonna be other issues that they’re gonna try to cover up rather than dealing with.So really how they deal with an issue like porn shows you how they’ll deal with other issues in life. So it’s a great way to get to observe who this person really is, what they’re like. The other factor that I think is really important is the extent to which it has impacted their life.

Even if they do really want to get help, if this is something that they’re constantly struggling with every hour of the day– I know there are some people who porn has become such a huge stronghold in their life, it’s like they can’t go a day without being on there all day, forgetting about work, forgetting about their responsibilities, like porn is their life. In that case I would leave, because even if they’re trying to get help, they need time to get help on their own. And yeah that would– what Tiffany is describing is the same thing as if someone is legitimately an alcoholic or legitimately addicted to some other kind of behavior altering drug.

Like you do need you need professional help for something like that. Yeah and I think like having friends is good, but he can’t do it for you. And you have to be able to see over a long amount of time– not just two month,s but like over a year or two years, like is he really making a change in his behaviors? Do you agree with that? Or maybe you don’t need to quite a whole year but you need like some time.

I can’t just be like, “I’ve been working through this for two weeks that’s great!” But you need more time than that to know if you really had– I can even go two weeks without eating ice cream. I mean can you really? Probably two weeks.

Probably not three though. Mmm. That’s probably fair. Yeah anything else you would say to that? No.

Okay, last scenario. Scenario number three. I actually don’t know how often this one’s been asked, this is not a popular one, but it should be.

It’s really important. So what about my boyfriend really struggles with money. He’s not wise with his money or a good steward of it, he kind of just spends on random things and doesn’t keep track of it, isn’t really good with it. Should I stay or should I go? And I wanted to talk about this because I think that money issues are a huge factor in a long-term relationship.

I think– correct me if I’m wrong- I think they’re one of the main reasons for divorce in our country. Yeah depending on which statistics you look at yes. They’re a really big deal.

So like the way you spend money is gonna impact every part of your life really, and it shows how you’ll be responsible in other areas of life, not just money, and so I think that both for you and for your boyfriend, that’s something you should be working on growing in always, whether you’re single or dating or married. That’s a really important life skill to work on and one that we’re often not taught. And if we don’t see it modeled when we’re growing up, like we’re not gonna know how to do it, so you’re gonna have to learn. So I know like the Dave Ramsey course has been helpful for a lot of people– his Financial Peace courses– and like getting even a mentor, learning how to make a budget, learning how to stick to that, learning how to say no to items that seem really awesome and you want to just buy them anyway, but say no. With that that boyfriend I couldn’t decide whether to breakup with– the one issue in our relationship was money, and that was part of the reason I felt comfortable leaving him is because he would– I remember him buying me this nice camera for my birthday and apparently he told me later he’d found it originally in a different color and bought it and then he found it in the right color and bought it.

I was like, “Oh okay so you returned the first one?” And he’s like, “Oh no.” He never returned it! It sat on his bedroom floor and the bill for it sat on his credit card. And I found out that he had so much credit card debt! And that’s not– that’s not a reason to dump someone in and of itself I don’t think, like I’ve had credit card debt in my life, like there’s– I think that’s something that most Americans have had at some point, but he wasn’t working through it, he wasn’t trying to get out of it, he just kept buying and buying and adding to his credit card debt. And just that that was very irresponsible.

And so yeah, so I think that again it’s their attitude toward the issue. It’s are they learning how to work through it, are they taking steps to work through it, are you seeing real changes over time in their lives? That’s what you want to look for.

It is a terrible terrible terrible idea to marry someone who is poor, a poor manager of money. Now you can date someone who’s a poor manager of money, but you can’t marry that person. So if you want to get married to someone in the next couple of months or years and they’re a poor manager of money, they either need to shape up very quickly or you need to find someone else, because that’s a really big deal.

You know, you cannot be a man if you can’t manage your money. You’re still a boy. Yeah I would agree. I know that sounds really harsh, but I think it’s just really true. You’ll thank me later.

Yeah for real though. So those are our thoughts on should I stay or should I go — so girls what would you do in each of these scenarios? Sould you stay or would you go?

Comment your thoughts below. And if you want more boy talk, I actually have a whole book that I wrote and it’s called “Boycrazy: And how I ended up single and mostly sane.” It’s written like a novel and it’s really fun and easy to read and I had so much fun writing it and it just includes everything– all the big things I learned about dating and singleness between the ages of like 17 and 27 and it’s really fun. So if you want to check that out, you can get it on Amazon or on our website which is linked up above. And I’ll see you girls next week. I love you all!

Bye.