August 3, 2021

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How To Get Over Your Ex Girlfriend & Move On After Breaking Up

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Hi guys Duke Delaet here for the attractive man and I wanted to go over breakups, getting over your ex and then rising from the ashes like a phoenix to get back into the game and find yourself that partner that is perfect for you. I’m going to go over some coping strategies to deal with loss and grief and how to view the other person so that everybody can grow from it and how to use the experience as a springboard to get even better at your game in the video to follow. Stay tuned You just break up with a girl. She either broke up with you or you broke up with her but something happened that you guys were not seeing eye to eye anymore and it is it is painful, it hurts and it can take you out of all of your productivity through the rest of your whole life. It’s funny there’s so many songs on the radio that just talk about breaking up and all the pain and craziness is going on with that kind of loss but what is that?

It’s loss right? It’s something that you were attached to somebody else and now you don’t have them anymore and it’s difficult to go on in the same way that you were going there’s like it’s not very so it’s like you were you’re walking with a question of the crutches gone and now you have to regain your balance by yourself and it’s it’s just bad news. There’s no easy way to get over breakups there’s a bunch of ways to reframe it will go over that because some coping strategies will go over some of those but pain is pain and emotional pain is some it’s common to us being human and it’s difficult to deal with and that’s kind of how it’s supposed to be.http://cavuvox.site/oasis-dating-site-canada.asp So we’re going to deal with some coping strategies.

First coping strategy I use right when i go to break up but i just got out of a breakup that’s what i’m talking about this stuff is you know eventually you’re gonna have to deal with seeing her again or seeing her friends or getting reminded of her or whatever and those things are just going to come up it’s going to suck right, but just like any other bad feeling that keeps you from doing the things that you want to do it’s like approach anxiety or you know fear of public speaking or stuff, you can reframe it really quickly or you can change your state really fast and it will remove the sting of that feeling. The emotion will still be there kind of back burner it though so you can still focus on something else right. One of the coolest ways we straight state changes will clap our hands or will change our body structure will focus on our breathing will focus on things that we’re not normally focused on so give it space to not focus on the pain and the loss and the grief and the hate and the and all that stuff as it comes in and kind of overwhelming they’ll use of feelings all of the feelings it will it will kind of get mitigated by the fact that you’re thinking about something else you’re focusing on something else so change your state. A lot of guys the attractive man what they do is they’ll take cold showers and just like snap their their brain out of whatever it’s impossible and you dunk your head under cold running water to who remain in the same mental state that you were when you got in there it’s just impossible and it’s super effective, so check that out, and then you know when you doin it comes on like a song on the radio that makes you think about it you tend to want to sort of indulge in those feelings and there are a couple ways to go about that you can either indulge in those feelings and and get sad and then sort of repeat the grief loop over and over and over again or you can change state immediately and my move to a different song, sing something else like just get your brain out of that space or the third way whatever doing lately is burning that thing to the ground. This is one of my favorite coping strategies okay so if I get hurt and then something reminds me of her and I’m like a heart-wrenching craziness right I put that thing on repeat for the next hour right and eventually what happens is you’re singing along you want to try to be a driver you today I’m not saying that I crying I’m a man right right okay but yeah you saw you doing that thing and then the second time though Stewart gets a little bit more boring and the emotions don’t come and third time goes through it gets a little bit more boring and the emotions don’t come and then the same thing happens over and over and over again.

You get done in like a half hour listen to the same song you’re like okay that song does not give me the same emotions as it did before it kind of works the same way progressive desensitization works when it comes to dealing with fear. It’s that thing that gave you such strong emotional responses it needs like a refractory period in between time to keep its strength after that it starts getting diluted with the other things that are going on in your day. Like you go start dealing with traffic of the song is playing and you start dealing with you get out and you’re walking along and shopping that it’s distracting you and the song is playing and all those little reference experience to start getting tied to the song and it dilutes the strength that it had with the with the other person and it’s really helpful in just sort of taking the legs out from other the strength of those feelings there’s some washing over. You left in the same way a state change you want to do I call this the midlife crisis method, okay. Whenever I break up with somebody I go get a haircut I go I changed my clothes just a little bit I start going to the gym more I start eating healthier I used it kind of like a new year’s resolution kind of thing where I start changing everything because you know the initial launch is like okay next time she sees me I have to be better than I was right, but it’s quickly metamorphosized into a focus of being better just being better and just renewing who you were as an individual before you guys broke up because a lot of times when two people get together they sort of share each other so much that they lose part of their own identity while they’re in the relationship, which is why it hurts so much when the relationship breaks off because now it’s kind of like you’re missing a part of yourself.

So use the time to focus on renewal to focus on building yourself and you’re so kind of latent uses back into focus bring all that stuff back into focus and get yourself on track to to to become a fuller more vibrant version of you. Once you do that the focus on those things is going to help you to get over the hard emotional things that come up when when you’re thinking about your ex because you’re you this kind of a light at the end of the tunnel rather than thinking oh I’m never going to get anybody like that as good as her again you go okay well I’m working on this and I’m going to meet some cool new people it’s gonna be great you go out and go be social you like oh I met already. These new people already oh you know you don’t necessarily want to replace her with somebody else but when you’re out and you’re talking it’s like this you know run a game seeing new girls like it it gives you reference experience oh yeah she’s not the only one out there she’s not the one that and she didn’t match anyway, maybe I’ll find somebody who matches better.

I’m putting yourself in that perspective and focusing on your own personal renewal he was an individual goes a long way to mitigating the crushing feelings that can come from sharing space with another person for a very long time. Keep in mind that if you break up with somebody that means that you guys have reached a point in your communication that you guys weren’t compatible. In real life when people break up they do it for one of two reasons: one to manipulate the other person into doing something or two because they don’t match. If you don’t match you don’t want that relationship back I promise.

It will just happen again and again and again ad infinitum until you guys both fucking sick of each other you want to kill each other, right. That just can and only end poorly if that’s the reason. The other one is to manipulate the other person if she breaks up with you because she was giving an ultimatum and she wanted you to change but she didn’t really want to lose you then she breaks up with you she’s still trying to offer that ultimatum and it’s still going to screw with you right. In almost no circumstances it makes sense to get back together with somebody after a breakup. Now there are some that do you guys are so connected and it’s great and the breakup was just like a momentary hiccup or a drunken bullshit and then but now you guys are missing trust on each other’s ability to stay in the relationship and so it actually becomes more labored and stuff.

One of my relationships have been dating for a very long time like seven years and she finally broke up with me like so the third time and just kicked me out and it was a just big horrible ordeal and when she wanted me back I said look we can’t date like we used to otherwise we’re just going to keep repeating the same cycle over and over again let’s build something new, let’s create a new relationship out of the ashes of the old one because the old one wasn’t working all those expectations and all that communication wasn’t working and so we started something very very different she’s no longer like we’re not shooting for the future anymore or not trying to like be anybody’s baby mama you know like all those important things that were happening over that long relationship were kind of put to bed. That relationship is kind of frozen we created a new one that is more advantageous to both of us in our current States as we stand now. But otherwise like in all cases the relationship is dead right if you want to see her again in public who she was and what you guys had together is gone like it’s not it’s not the same as it used to be and it never will be.

You guys have done too much to each other in through the break-up process that you can’t just like turn that stuff off and then come back in and expect everything to be hunky-dory okay. Just assume that that’s the case and if you engage with her again you engage with her on a human level on an individual level that isn’t backed up by all the tears of your relationship that that allowed you guys to stand on your own strength before because those tears ultimately failed you and took your whole relationship out they are going to fail you again it’s better to just assume that all that stuff is gone and it’s it’s all in the past it’s frozen you can’t get to it and then you can if you’re going to talk to her again you’re going to create a new relationship with new boundaries and new feelings and new decisions. So those are some coping mechanisms now I kind of want to talk about some strategies for dealing with the other human right. When you break up with a girl sometimes it’s best just to cut off contact entirely like there’s just no speaking no contact no nothing you know obviously if there are kids involved there’s like you know shared property and stuff that’s like a different story but if you can just cut it all off and just give you guys time to heal and you guys come back with a more a fresh perspective without all the pain right.

If you do have to talk to her again the most high level what a deal with it is with gratitude it’s with kind of thanking her for the good times that you had really really appreciated her for the qualities in the ways that she made you grow and the things that she made you see the experiences she helped you have you take all that stuff that you’re grateful for take all the things that kept you in the relationship okay call those things and just thank her for those things periodically as your as you’re communicating with whatever else you need to communicate with right. If you’re talking about stuff if you’re talking about you know meeting up and exchanging things or mutual friends or whatever you like you like you know I know a relationships over but but I really appreciated how I grew and and thank you so much for sharing our time with me and definitely wasn’t a waste it was awesome and then as you’re doing that and you focus on the good parts of the relationship it keeps your Ras from going in like demonizing or vilifying the other person it keeps your RS from like like going in and selectively focusing on all the bad stuff. A lot of people use that as a coping mechanism and they like talk all the shit about the human in their minds so they can give themselves kind of a severance between them and another person. The problem is it is not entirely authentic if you do a severance with another person you say hey uh she was a total bitch and she’s really stupid and she’s country to me all the time and her friends are stupid she’s a sloppy eater no this isn’t right.

But on the inside you still miss snuggling her you still missed the time she got together whatever it’s a dissonance and it makes you feel like shit in both ways and I say they know what don’t do that. Focus on all the good stuff right and be grateful for the experience that you had like when you get off of a roller coaster right and it was a really good time you remember the good times you know remember all the weird crazy times you were scared you don’t remember all the long wait line, you just remember the good times and that’s a good thing because it’s over right if you go digital do it again then you’re going to remember the wait time you’re going to remember all that stuff but that’s over it’s over it’s game over so you can go back and remember cherish those memories in the positive light right. Only if you want to start it up again should you remember all the things that you should be cautious of right and in my experience you should not set up the end you should go renew yourself and go find somebody new or go find a new her after she’s going a little bit and try that again from a new place from a more mature evolved place because you’re using this breakup and you’re using the relationship as something that can sort of want you in to the next level as a man. The second way I deal with other people as gratitude not only gratitude but introspection right.

I just started thinking okay how could I have done this better how could I have done this better how could I’ve done this better and not how could they have done this better because those answers are usually readily apparent but if you ask how I could have done better then you start coming up with better strategies on dealing with your relationships both with her in the future and with other women in the future because you’re learning a lot from the feedback that you got from that relationship you say how could I have done this better like in my last relationship I was traveling a lot so when I was in town I was trying to get as much time with her as possible and doing that made me come off as a little needy and it made her feel stressed out for me to be around and that was just the wrong thing for me to do and knowing that means that the next relationship I’m either going to find a woman who enjoys that kind of attention or I’m going to not do that in order to save my relationship because being able to look at it from the outside and being at respective was like what drove me to be like that why was I stressing her out why was I doing that stuff. That was because I felt like I wasn’t getting enough time and I was getting a little grass be about it I learned that about myself and it’s not going to be an issue for me in the future it’s going to help me in future relationships introspection is very very important along with gratitude as strategies for dealing with the other person in dealing with yourself as you’re growing so when you’re focusing on self-renewal there’s a couple of rules. First off you are enough a lot of times you get out of relationship you’re sort of connected the other human in a way that’s in a codependent way not into independent not like two individuals helping each other out.

Not two individuals and the relationship entity you know working in synergy it’s more like two individuals sharing with each other and then when they break off their missing parts of each other and that is just not a healthy way to deal with life’s problems and things they throw at you. Sometimes it’s okay to dip into that when you’re too weak to deal yourself and other people to build you up it takes a village sometimes but most of the time if you rely on that stuff then you’re unable to make your own decisions I’m able to do your own self-care that’s not good so you want to understand that as you’re renewing yourself you as an individual are enough to handle you. You lead you, you handle you, and knowing that you are enough to do all that stuff gives you the opportunity in your introspection to come up with ways to be more and more full version or next level version of you so that you can take you to the next level and as you take you to the next level then you can meet people who are on a higher level than your ex. Secondly when you’re doing your introspection you have to take massive action to fix the things that aren’t as high percentage for you the things that are screwing you up right.

If you have some needy behavior or if you have some insecurities that are coming up, focus on finding those things and then take a bunch of action to fix those things for me I always felt kind of physically insecure because a little bit overweight and my health problems were having it some issues. So as soon as I broke up I used all the extra resources the extra time to jump right into the gym to start working out and feeling healthier and eradicating that insecurity. It’s going to take me a little while to get to a good good healthy weight but chipping away at that stuff is going to make me feel a lot more confident in the things that we’re taking me out through the whole time and we can go forward and do confident stuff and approach and all that so all we want but sometimes things stick with us over time if we don’t address them we’re going to need to address them eventually and having the time post-breakup to think about you know all the ways that you broke up or you can focus on fixing some of those insecurities I’d rather focus on fixing things than not.

And the last thing when you’re focusing on renewal is to avoid replacing the other person. I recommend staying out of relationship for at least three months because while you’re doing all of your self-care and all in all of your coming back up and being a better individual and going to the next level as a man you’re going to meet new people along the way that are going to be fantastic relationship partners and those new people you can bring them in you can date them, you can have sex you can do all the stuff that you want but stop trying to plan a future on the new people just sort of let it unfold and kind of see what goes on because you have a lot of opportunity to learn from the dating scene while you’re there and single to jump right into a relationship just so you can use your old strata geez and expect the other person to act like the old person to meet your old needs it sort of stops your growth. So I’m not saying don’t go out and date, go out and date and I’m not saying go I’ll a definitely go do that but don’t don’t try to replace the old person with the new person. Love the new person for who they are and create a relationship around them that is sort of distant from the kind of relationship that you had the frozen one that you had with the other with your ex so now that you dealt with the loss in the grief and your kind of moving forward and each day gets a little bit more and more easier I want you not only to work on some of your insecurities and like go back to the gym and do all these healthy cool things but also get back into the game.

When you get back into the game there’s a couple of pitfalls guys run into sometimes they’re expecting the women in the field to be as awesome and amazing and at relationships and boundaries and everything as their girlfriend that is not true most of the girls that you go out and meet are not going to be attuned to you they’re not going to grown together then I’ve created the you know memories and report everything with you that’s not because it’s not going to have happened so you’re going to get into these relationships that if you expect them to be super high level without doing all the work to build them individually you’re just going to fail that’s just going to it’s going to be horrible. And so when you go back and let ship understand you gotta focus on the basics you’re going to go out and run wheel game from ground 0 from from the ground up to build something new that’s the whole point of this thing. Secondly sometimes we’ll jump into new things to be distracted from the old relationship and that’s okay.

It’s okay to be in a new relationship distracting yourself from the old one because distraction is awesome especially when you’re getting stimulated by all the cool feelings of chase of the chase and getting a new girl into your life that’s awesome but understand that authenticity is the key. You don’t want to roll in there and be like oh yeah I just need a new girlfriend I’m going to be all just for you and probably make all these promises and stuff when basically what you’re doing is you’re rolling into a rebound. Right doesn’t mean that relationship can’t work it can and that’s awesome but it’s not necessarily going to work you should not act like it is right. You should just say look this is where I’m at I’m kind of broken here I am as a human and I want to spend some time with you I think you’re cool and you know we’ll see where it goes and when you do that you give everybody the dignity and the benefit of a doubt to build something out of the ashes of the old thing.

In the meantime you’re getting dates you’re working on your game and you’re getting even better at filtering getting better at setting boundaries and getting better at everything you are as a man. Once you change some of your insecurities from introspection and then you go out and you start dating you start getting new people into your life okay, set new standards. After the relationship freezes and you no longer have that to lean on you start to build yourself up as a man and you’re kind of complete as a whole and you’re moving out in the field and doing great of amazing things though their standards should should change, your channel should be better than the ones in the past. Your ex as she was should no longer meet those standards anymore because you are better.

By constantly growing and using the relationship as a jump point to the next level you can set your standards a little bit higher and then your ex and everybody liked her will have to raise up in order to get your attention you’ll move yourself into a new level of the dating pool with new girls who are better suited to fit your needs and you’re better suited to meet theirs. So those are my break up strategies and my getting over your ex and moving on into the next level of game.

How To Get Over Your Ex Girlfriend & Move On After Breaking Up

Hi guys Duke Delaet here for the attractive man and I wanted to go over breakups, getting over your ex and then rising from the ashes like a phoenix to get back into the game and find yourself that partner that is perfect for you. I’m going to go over some coping strategies to deal with loss and grief and how to view the other person so that everybody can grow from it and how to use the experience as a springboard to get even better at your game in the video to follow. Stay tuned You just break up with a girl. She either broke up with you or you broke up with her but something happened that you guys were not seeing eye to eye anymore and it is it is painful, it hurts and it can take you out of all of your productivity through the rest of your whole life. It’s funny there’s so many songs on the radio that just talk about breaking up and all the pain and craziness is going on with that kind of loss but what is that?

It’s loss right? It’s something that you were attached to somebody else and now you don’t have them anymore and it’s difficult to go on in the same way that you were going there’s like it’s not very so it’s like you were you’re walking with a question of the crutches gone and now you have to regain your balance by yourself and it’s it’s just bad news. There’s no easy way to get over breakups there’s a bunch of ways to reframe it will go over that because some coping strategies will go over some of those but pain is pain and emotional pain is some it’s common to us being human and it’s difficult to deal with and that’s kind of how it’s supposed to be.

So we’re going to deal with some coping strategies. First coping strategy I use right when i go to break up but i just got out of a breakup that’s what i’m talking about this stuff is you know eventually you’re gonna have to deal with seeing her again or seeing her friends or getting reminded of her or whatever and those things are just going to come up it’s going to suck right, but just like any other bad feeling that keeps you from doing the things that you want to do it’s like approach anxiety or you know fear of public speaking or stuff, you can reframe it really quickly or you can change your state really fast and it will remove the sting of that feeling. The emotion will still be there kind of back burner it though so you can still focus on something else right. One of the coolest ways we straight state changes will clap our hands or will change our body structure will focus on our breathing will focus on things that we’re not normally focused on so give it space to not focus on the pain and the loss and the grief and the hate and the and all that stuff as it comes in and kind of overwhelming they’ll use of feelings all of the feelings it will it will kind of get mitigated by the fact that you’re thinking about something else you’re focusing on something else so change your state.

A lot of guys the attractive man what they do is they’ll take cold showers and just like snap their their brain out of whatever it’s impossible and you dunk your head under cold running water to who remain in the same mental state that you were when you got in there it’s just impossible and it’s super effective, so check that out, and then you know when you doin it comes on like a song on the radio that makes you think about it you tend to want to sort of indulge in those feelings and there are a couple ways to go about that you can either indulge in those feelings and and get sad and then sort of repeat the grief loop over and over and over again or you can change state immediately and my move to a different song, sing something else like just get your brain out of that space or the third way whatever doing lately is burning that thing to the ground. This is one of my favorite coping strategies okay so if I get hurt and then something reminds me of her and I’m like a heart-wrenching craziness right I put that thing on repeat for the next hour right and eventually what happens is you’re singing along you want to try to be a driver you today I’m not saying that I crying I’m a man right right okay but yeah you saw you doing that thing and then the second time though Stewart gets a little bit more boring and the emotions don’t come and third time goes through it gets a little bit more boring and the emotions don’t come and then the same thing happens over and over and over again. You get done in like a half hour listen to the same song you’re like okay that song does not give me the same emotions as it did before it kind of works the same way progressive desensitization works when it comes to dealing with fear. It’s that thing that gave you such strong emotional responses it needs like a refractory period in between time to keep its strength after that it starts getting diluted with the other things that are going on in your day. Like you go start dealing with traffic of the song is playing and you start dealing with you get out and you’re walking along and shopping that it’s distracting you and the song is playing and all those little reference experience to start getting tied to the song and it dilutes the strength that it had with the with the other person and it’s really helpful in just sort of taking the legs out from other the strength of those feelings there’s some washing over.

You left in the same way a state change you want to do I call this the midlife crisis method, okay. Whenever I break up with somebody I go get a haircut I go I changed my clothes just a little bit I start going to the gym more I start eating healthier I used it kind of like a new year’s resolution kind of thing where I start changing everything because you know the initial launch is like okay next time she sees me I have to be better than I was right, but it’s quickly metamorphosized into a focus of being better just being better and just renewing who you were as an individual before you guys broke up because a lot of times when two people get together they sort of share each other so much that they lose part of their own identity while they’re in the relationship, which is why it hurts so much when the relationship breaks off because now it’s kind of like you’re missing a part of yourself. So use the time to focus on renewal to focus on building yourself and you’re so kind of latent uses back into focus bring all that stuff back into focus and get yourself on track to to to become a fuller more vibrant version of you. Once you do that the focus on those things is going to help you to get over the hard emotional things that come up when when you’re thinking about your ex because you’re you this kind of a light at the end of the tunnel rather than thinking oh I’m never going to get anybody like that as good as her again you go okay well I’m working on this and I’m going to meet some cool new people it’s gonna be great you go out and go be social you like oh I met already. These new people already oh you know you don’t necessarily want to replace her with somebody else but when you’re out and you’re talking it’s like this you know run a game seeing new girls like it it gives you reference experience oh yeah she’s not the only one out there she’s not the one that and she didn’t match anyway, maybe I’ll find somebody who matches better.

I’m putting yourself in that perspective and focusing on your own personal renewal he was an individual goes a long way to mitigating the crushing feelings that can come from sharing space with another person for a very long time. Keep in mind that if you break up with somebody that means that you guys have reached a point in your communication that you guys weren’t compatible. In real life when people break up they do it for one of two reasons: one to manipulate the other person into doing something or two because they don’t match. If you don’t match you don’t want that relationship back I promise.

It will just happen again and again and again ad infinitum until you guys both fucking sick of each other you want to kill each other, right. That just can and only end poorly if that’s the reason. The other one is to manipulate the other person if she breaks up with you because she was giving an ultimatum and she wanted you to change but she didn’t really want to lose you then she breaks up with you she’s still trying to offer that ultimatum and it’s still going to screw with you right.

In almost no circumstances it makes sense to get back together with somebody after a breakup. Now there are some that do you guys are so connected and it’s great and the breakup was just like a momentary hiccup or a drunken bullshit and then but now you guys are missing trust on each other’s ability to stay in the relationship and so it actually becomes more labored and stuff. One of my relationships have been dating for a very long time like seven years and she finally broke up with me like so the third time and just kicked me out and it was a just big horrible ordeal and when she wanted me back I said look we can’t date like we used to otherwise we’re just going to keep repeating the same cycle over and over again let’s build something new, let’s create a new relationship out of the ashes of the old one because the old one wasn’t working all those expectations and all that communication wasn’t working and so we started something very very different she’s no longer like we’re not shooting for the future anymore or not trying to like be anybody’s baby mama you know like all those important things that were happening over that long relationship were kind of put to bed. That relationship is kind of frozen we created a new one that is more advantageous to both of us in our current States as we stand now. But otherwise like in all cases the relationship is dead right if you want to see her again in public who she was and what you guys had together is gone like it’s not it’s not the same as it used to be and it never will be.

You guys have done too much to each other in through the break-up process that you can’t just like turn that stuff off and then come back in and expect everything to be hunky-dory okay. Just assume that that’s the case and if you engage with her again you engage with her on a human level on an individual level that isn’t backed up by all the tears of your relationship that that allowed you guys to stand on your own strength before because those tears ultimately failed you and took your whole relationship out they are going to fail you again it’s better to just assume that all that stuff is gone and it’s it’s all in the past it’s frozen you can’t get to it and then you can if you’re going to talk to her again you’re going to create a new relationship with new boundaries and new feelings and new decisions. So those are some coping mechanisms now I kind of want to talk about some strategies for dealing with the other human right.

When you break up with a girl sometimes it’s best just to cut off contact entirely like there’s just no speaking no contact no nothing you know obviously if there are kids involved there’s like you know shared property and stuff that’s like a different story but if you can just cut it all off and just give you guys time to heal and you guys come back with a more a fresh perspective without all the pain right. If you do have to talk to her again the most high level what a deal with it is with gratitude it’s with kind of thanking her for the good times that you had really really appreciated her for the qualities in the ways that she made you grow and the things that she made you see the experiences she helped you have you take all that stuff that you’re grateful for take all the things that kept you in the relationship okay call those things and just thank her for those things periodically as your as you’re communicating with whatever else you need to communicate with right. If you’re talking about stuff if you’re talking about you know meeting up and exchanging things or mutual friends or whatever you like you like you know I know a relationships over but but I really appreciated how I grew and and thank you so much for sharing our time with me and definitely wasn’t a waste it was awesome and then as you’re doing that and you focus on the good parts of the relationship it keeps your Ras from going in like demonizing or vilifying the other person it keeps your RS from like like going in and selectively focusing on all the bad stuff.

A lot of people use that as a coping mechanism and they like talk all the shit about the human in their minds so they can give themselves kind of a severance between them and another person. The problem is it is not entirely authentic if you do a severance with another person you say hey uh she was a total bitch and she’s really stupid and she’s country to me all the time and her friends are stupid she’s a sloppy eater no this isn’t right. But on the inside you still miss snuggling her you still missed the time she got together whatever it’s a dissonance and it makes you feel like shit in both ways and I say they know what don’t do that. Focus on all the good stuff right and be grateful for the experience that you had like when you get off of a roller coaster right and it was a really good time you remember the good times you know remember all the weird crazy times you were scared you don’t remember all the long wait line, you just remember the good times and that’s a good thing because it’s over right if you go digital do it again then you’re going to remember the wait time you’re going to remember all that stuff but that’s over it’s over it’s game over so you can go back and remember cherish those memories in the positive light right.

Only if you want to start it up again should you remember all the things that you should be cautious of right and in my experience you should not set up the end you should go renew yourself and go find somebody new or go find a new her after she’s going a little bit and try that again from a new place from a more mature evolved place because you’re using this breakup and you’re using the relationship as something that can sort of want you in to the next level as a man. The second way I deal with other people as gratitude not only gratitude but introspection right. I just started thinking okay how could I have done this better how could I have done this better how could I’ve done this better and not how could they have done this better because those answers are usually readily apparent but if you ask how I could have done better then you start coming up with better strategies on dealing with your relationships both with her in the future and with other women in the future because you’re learning a lot from the feedback that you got from that relationship you say how could I have done this better like in my last relationship I was traveling a lot so when I was in town I was trying to get as much time with her as possible and doing that made me come off as a little needy and it made her feel stressed out for me to be around and that was just the wrong thing for me to do and knowing that means that the next relationship I’m either going to find a woman who enjoys that kind of attention or I’m going to not do that in order to save my relationship because being able to look at it from the outside and being at respective was like what drove me to be like that why was I stressing her out why was I doing that stuff. That was because I felt like I wasn’t getting enough time and I was getting a little grass be about it I learned that about myself and it’s not going to be an issue for me in the future it’s going to help me in future relationships introspection is very very important along with gratitude as strategies for dealing with the other person in dealing with yourself as you’re growing so when you’re focusing on self-renewal there’s a couple of rules. First off you are enough a lot of times you get out of relationship you’re sort of connected the other human in a way that’s in a codependent way not into independent not like two individuals helping each other out.

Not two individuals and the relationship entity you know working in synergy it’s more like two individuals sharing with each other and then when they break off their missing parts of each other and that is just not a healthy way to deal with life’s problems and things they throw at you. Sometimes it’s okay to dip into that when you’re too weak to deal yourself and other people to build you up it takes a village sometimes but most of the time if you rely on that stuff then you’re unable to make your own decisions I’m able to do your own self-care that’s not good so you want to understand that as you’re renewing yourself you as an individual are enough to handle you. You lead you, you handle you, and knowing that you are enough to do all that stuff gives you the opportunity in your introspection to come up with ways to be more and more full version or next level version of you so that you can take you to the next level and as you take you to the next level then you can meet people who are on a higher level than your ex.

Secondly when you’re doing your introspection you have to take massive action to fix the things that aren’t as high percentage for you the things that are screwing you up right. If you have some needy behavior or if you have some insecurities that are coming up, focus on finding those things and then take a bunch of action to fix those things for me I always felt kind of physically insecure because a little bit overweight and my health problems were having it some issues. So as soon as I broke up I used all the extra resources the extra time to jump right into the gym to start working out and feeling healthier and eradicating that insecurity.

It’s going to take me a little while to get to a good good healthy weight but chipping away at that stuff is going to make me feel a lot more confident in the things that we’re taking me out through the whole time and we can go forward and do confident stuff and approach and all that so all we want but sometimes things stick with us over time if we don’t address them we’re going to need to address them eventually and having the time post-breakup to think about you know all the ways that you broke up or you can focus on fixing some of those insecurities I’d rather focus on fixing things than not. And the last thing when you’re focusing on renewal is to avoid replacing the other person. I recommend staying out of relationship for at least three months because while you’re doing all of your self-care and all in all of your coming back up and being a better individual and going to the next level as a man you’re going to meet new people along the way that are going to be fantastic relationship partners and those new people you can bring them in you can date them, you can have sex you can do all the stuff that you want but stop trying to plan a future on the new people just sort of let it unfold and kind of see what goes on because you have a lot of opportunity to learn from the dating scene while you’re there and single to jump right into a relationship just so you can use your old strata geez and expect the other person to act like the old person to meet your old needs it sort of stops your growth.

So I’m not saying don’t go out and date, go out and date and I’m not saying go I’ll a definitely go do that but don’t don’t try to replace the old person with the new person. Love the new person for who they are and create a relationship around them that is sort of distant from the kind of relationship that you had the frozen one that you had with the other with your ex so now that you dealt with the loss in the grief and your kind of moving forward and each day gets a little bit more and more easier I want you not only to work on some of your insecurities and like go back to the gym and do all these healthy cool things but also get back into the game. When you get back into the game there’s a couple of pitfalls guys run into sometimes they’re expecting the women in the field to be as awesome and amazing and at relationships and boundaries and everything as their girlfriend that is not true most of the girls that you go out and meet are not going to be attuned to you they’re not going to grown together then I’ve created the you know memories and report everything with you that’s not because it’s not going to have happened so you’re going to get into these relationships that if you expect them to be super high level without doing all the work to build them individually you’re just going to fail that’s just going to it’s going to be horrible. And so when you go back and let ship understand you gotta focus on the basics you’re going to go out and run wheel game from ground 0 from from the ground up to build something new that’s the whole point of this thing.

Secondly sometimes we’ll jump into new things to be distracted from the old relationship and that’s okay. It’s okay to be in a new relationship distracting yourself from the old one because distraction is awesome especially when you’re getting stimulated by all the cool feelings of chase of the chase and getting a new girl into your life that’s awesome but understand that authenticity is the key. You don’t want to roll in there and be like oh yeah I just need a new girlfriend I’m going to be all just for you and probably make all these promises and stuff when basically what you’re doing is you’re rolling into a rebound. Right doesn’t mean that relationship can’t work it can and that’s awesome but it’s not necessarily going to work you should not act like it is right.

Hi guys Duke Delaet here for the attractive man and I wanted to go over breakups, getting over your ex and then rising from the ashes like a phoenix to get back into the game and find yourself that partner that is perfect for you. I’m going to go over some coping strategies to deal with loss and grief and how to view the other person so that everybody can grow from it and how to use the experience as a springboard to get even better at your game in the video to follow. Stay tuned You just break up with a girl. She either broke up with you or you broke up with her but something happened that you guys were not seeing eye to eye anymore and it is it is painful, it hurts and it can take you out of all of your productivity through the rest of your whole life. It’s funny there’s so many songs on the radio that just talk about breaking up and all the pain and craziness is going on with that kind of loss but what is that?

It’s loss right? It’s something that you were attached to somebody else and now you don’t have them anymore and it’s difficult to go on in the same way that you were going there’s like it’s not very so it’s like you were you’re walking with a question of the crutches gone and now you have to regain your balance by yourself and it’s it’s just bad news. There’s no easy way to get over breakups there’s a bunch of ways to reframe it will go over that because some coping strategies will go over some of those but pain is pain and emotional pain is some it’s common to us being human and it’s difficult to deal with and that’s kind of how it’s supposed to be. So we’re going to deal with some coping strategies.

First coping strategy I use right when i go to break up but i just got out of a breakup that’s what i’m talking about this stuff is you know eventually you’re gonna have to deal with seeing her again or seeing her friends or getting reminded of her or whatever and those things are just going to come up it’s going to suck right, but just like any other bad feeling that keeps you from doing the things that you want to do it’s like approach anxiety or you know fear of public speaking or stuff, you can reframe it really quickly or you can change your state really fast and it will remove the sting of that feeling. The emotion will still be there kind of back burner it though so you can still focus on something else right. One of the coolest ways we straight state changes will clap our hands or will change our body structure will focus on our breathing will focus on things that we’re not normally focused on so give it space to not focus on the pain and the loss and the grief and the hate and the and all that stuff as it comes in and kind of overwhelming they’ll use of feelings all of the feelings it will it will kind of get mitigated by the fact that you’re thinking about something else you’re focusing on something else so change your state. A lot of guys the attractive man what they do is they’ll take cold showers and just like snap their their brain out of whatever it’s impossible and you dunk your head under cold running water to who remain in the same mental state that you were when you got in there it’s just impossible and it’s super effective, so check that out, and then you know when you doin it comes on like a song on the radio that makes you think about it you tend to want to sort of indulge in those feelings and there are a couple ways to go about that you can either indulge in those feelings and and get sad and then sort of repeat the grief loop over and over and over again or you can change state immediately and my move to a different song, sing something else like just get your brain out of that space or the third way whatever doing lately is burning that thing to the ground. This is one of my favorite coping strategies okay so if I get hurt and then something reminds me of her and I’m like a heart-wrenching craziness right I put that thing on repeat for the next hour right and eventually what happens is you’re singing along you want to try to be a driver you today I’m not saying that I crying I’m a man right right okay but yeah you saw you doing that thing and then the second time though Stewart gets a little bit more boring and the emotions don’t come and third time goes through it gets a little bit more boring and the emotions don’t come and then the same thing happens over and over and over again.

You get done in like a half hour listen to the same song you’re like okay that song does not give me the same emotions as it did before it kind of works the same way progressive desensitization works when it comes to dealing with fear. It’s that thing that gave you such strong emotional responses it needs like a refractory period in between time to keep its strength after that it starts getting diluted with the other things that are going on in your day. Like you go start dealing with traffic of the song is playing and you start dealing with you get out and you’re walking along and shopping that it’s distracting you and the song is playing and all those little reference experience to start getting tied to the song and it dilutes the strength that it had with the with the other person and it’s really helpful in just sort of taking the legs out from other the strength of those feelings there’s some washing over. You left in the same way a state change you want to do I call this the midlife crisis method, okay. Whenever I break up with somebody I go get a haircut I go I changed my clothes just a little bit I start going to the gym more I start eating healthier I used it kind of like a new year’s resolution kind of thing where I start changing everything because you know the initial launch is like okay next time she sees me I have to be better than I was right, but it’s quickly metamorphosized into a focus of being better just being better and just renewing who you were as an individual before you guys broke up because a lot of times when two people get together they sort of share each other so much that they lose part of their own identity while they’re in the relationship, which is why it hurts so much when the relationship breaks off because now it’s kind of like you’re missing a part of yourself.

So use the time to focus on renewal to focus on building yourself and you’re so kind of latent uses back into focus bring all that stuff back into focus and get yourself on track to to to become a fuller more vibrant version of you. Once you do that the focus on those things is going to help you to get over the hard emotional things that come up when when you’re thinking about your ex because you’re you this kind of a light at the end of the tunnel rather than thinking oh I’m never going to get anybody like that as good as her again you go okay well I’m working on this and I’m going to meet some cool new people it’s gonna be great you go out and go be social you like oh I met already. These new people already oh you know you don’t necessarily want to replace her with somebody else but when you’re out and you’re talking it’s like this you know run a game seeing new girls like it it gives you reference experience oh yeah she’s not the only one out there she’s not the one that and she didn’t match anyway, maybe I’ll find somebody who matches better.

I’m putting yourself in that perspective and focusing on your own personal renewal he was an individual goes a long way to mitigating the crushing feelings that can come from sharing space with another person for a very long time. Keep in mind that if you break up with somebody that means that you guys have reached a point in your communication that you guys weren’t compatible. In real life when people break up they do it for one of two reasons: one to manipulate the other person into doing something or two because they don’t match. If you don’t match you don’t want that relationship back I promise.

It will just happen again and again and again ad infinitum until you guys both fucking sick of each other you want to kill each other, right. That just can and only end poorly if that’s the reason. The other one is to manipulate the other person if she breaks up with you because she was giving an ultimatum and she wanted you to change but she didn’t really want to lose you then she breaks up with you she’s still trying to offer that ultimatum and it’s still going to screw with you right. In almost no circumstances it makes sense to get back together with somebody after a breakup. Now there are some that do you guys are so connected and it’s great and the breakup was just like a momentary hiccup or a drunken bullshit and then but now you guys are missing trust on each other’s ability to stay in the relationship and so it actually becomes more labored and stuff.

One of my relationships have been dating for a very long time like seven years and she finally broke up with me like so the third time and just kicked me out and it was a just big horrible ordeal and when she wanted me back I said look we can’t date like we used to otherwise we’re just going to keep repeating the same cycle over and over again let’s build something new, let’s create a new relationship out of the ashes of the old one because the old one wasn’t working all those expectations and all that communication wasn’t working and so we started something very very different she’s no longer like we’re not shooting for the future anymore or not trying to like be anybody’s baby mama you know like all those important things that were happening over that long relationship were kind of put to bed. That relationship is kind of frozen we created a new one that is more advantageous to both of us in our current States as we stand now. But otherwise like in all cases the relationship is dead right if you want to see her again in public who she was and what you guys had together is gone like it’s not it’s not the same as it used to be and it never will be.

You guys have done too much to each other in through the break-up process that you can’t just like turn that stuff off and then come back in and expect everything to be hunky-dory okay. Just assume that that’s the case and if you engage with her again you engage with her on a human level on an individual level that isn’t backed up by all the tears of your relationship that that allowed you guys to stand on your own strength before because those tears ultimately failed you and took your whole relationship out they are going to fail you again it’s better to just assume that all that stuff is gone and it’s it’s all in the past it’s frozen you can’t get to it and then you can if you’re going to talk to her again you’re going to create a new relationship with new boundaries and new feelings and new decisions. So those are some coping mechanisms now I kind of want to talk about some strategies for dealing with the other human right. When you break up with a girl sometimes it’s best just to cut off contact entirely like there’s just no speaking no contact no nothing you know obviously if there are kids involved there’s like you know shared property and stuff that’s like a different story but if you can just cut it all off and just give you guys time to heal and you guys come back with a more a fresh perspective without all the pain right.

If you do have to talk to her again the most high level what a deal with it is with gratitude it’s with kind of thanking her for the good times that you had really really appreciated her for the qualities in the ways that she made you grow and the things that she made you see the experiences she helped you have you take all that stuff that you’re grateful for take all the things that kept you in the relationship okay call those things and just thank her for those things periodically as your as you’re communicating with whatever else you need to communicate with right. If you’re talking about stuff if you’re talking about you know meeting up and exchanging things or mutual friends or whatever you like you like you know I know a relationships over but but I really appreciated how I grew and and thank you so much for sharing our time with me and definitely wasn’t a waste it was awesome and then as you’re doing that and you focus on the good parts of the relationship it keeps your Ras from going in like demonizing or vilifying the other person it keeps your RS from like like going in and selectively focusing on all the bad stuff. A lot of people use that as a coping mechanism and they like talk all the shit about the human in their minds so they can give themselves kind of a severance between them and another person. The problem is it is not entirely authentic if you do a severance with another person you say hey uh she was a total bitch and she’s really stupid and she’s country to me all the time and her friends are stupid she’s a sloppy eater no this isn’t right.

But on the inside you still miss snuggling her you still missed the time she got together whatever it’s a dissonance and it makes you feel like shit in both ways and I say they know what don’t do that. Focus on all the good stuff right and be grateful for the experience that you had like when you get off of a roller coaster right and it was a really good time you remember the good times you know remember all the weird crazy times you were scared you don’t remember all the long wait line, you just remember the good times and that’s a good thing because it’s over right if you go digital do it again then you’re going to remember the wait time you’re going to remember all that stuff but that’s over it’s over it’s game over so you can go back and remember cherish those memories in the positive light right. Only if you want to start it up again should you remember all the things that you should be cautious of right and in my experience you should not set up the end you should go renew yourself and go find somebody new or go find a new her after she’s going a little bit and try that again from a new place from a more mature evolved place because you’re using this breakup and you’re using the relationship as something that can sort of want you in to the next level as a man. The second way I deal with other people as gratitude not only gratitude but introspection right.

Dating

I just started thinking okay how could I have done this better how could I have done this better how could I’ve done this better and not how could they have done this better because those answers are usually readily apparent but if you ask how I could have done better then you start coming up with better strategies on dealing with your relationships both with her in the future and with other women in the future because you’re learning a lot from the feedback that you got from that relationship you say how could I have done this better like in my last relationship I was traveling a lot so when I was in town I was trying to get as much time with her as possible and doing that made me come off as a little needy and it made her feel stressed out for me to be around and that was just the wrong thing for me to do and knowing that means that the next relationship I’m either going to find a woman who enjoys that kind of attention or I’m going to not do that in order to save my relationship because being able to look at it from the outside and being at respective was like what drove me to be like that why was I stressing her out why was I doing that stuff. That was because I felt like I wasn’t getting enough time and I was getting a little grass be about it I learned that about myself and it’s not going to be an issue for me in the future it’s going to help me in future relationships introspection is very very important along with gratitude as strategies for dealing with the other person in dealing with yourself as you’re growing so when you’re focusing on self-renewal there’s a couple of rules. First off you are enough a lot of times you get out of relationship you’re sort of connected the other human in a way that’s in a codependent way not into independent not like two individuals helping each other out.

Not two individuals and the relationship entity you know working in synergy it’s more like two individuals sharing with each other and then when they break off their missing parts of each other and that is just not a healthy way to deal with life’s problems and things they throw at you. Sometimes it’s okay to dip into that when you’re too weak to deal yourself and other people to build you up it takes a village sometimes but most of the time if you rely on that stuff then you’re unable to make your own decisions I’m able to do your own self-care that’s not good so you want to understand that as you’re renewing yourself you as an individual are enough to handle you. You lead you, you handle you, and knowing that you are enough to do all that stuff gives you the opportunity in your introspection to come up with ways to be more and more full version or next level version of you so that you can take you to the next level and as you take you to the next level then you can meet people who are on a higher level than your ex. Secondly when you’re doing your introspection you have to take massive action to fix the things that aren’t as high percentage for you the things that are screwing you up right.

If you have some needy behavior or if you have some insecurities that are coming up, focus on finding those things and then take a bunch of action to fix those things for me I always felt kind of physically insecure because a little bit overweight and my health problems were having it some issues. So as soon as I broke up I used all the extra resources the extra time to jump right into the gym to start working out and feeling healthier and eradicating that insecurity. It’s going to take me a little while to get to a good good healthy weight but chipping away at that stuff is going to make me feel a lot more confident in the things that we’re taking me out through the whole time and we can go forward and do confident stuff and approach and all that so all we want but sometimes things stick with us over time if we don’t address them we’re going to need to address them eventually and having the time post-breakup to think about you know all the ways that you broke up or you can focus on fixing some of those insecurities I’d rather focus on fixing things than not.

And the last thing when you’re focusing on renewal is to avoid replacing the other person. I recommend staying out of relationship for at least three months because while you’re doing all of your self-care and all in all of your coming back up and being a better individual and going to the next level as a man you’re going to meet new people along the way that are going to be fantastic relationship partners and those new people you can bring them in you can date them, you can have sex you can do all the stuff that you want but stop trying to plan a future on the new people just sort of let it unfold and kind of see what goes on because you have a lot of opportunity to learn from the dating scene while you’re there and single to jump right into a relationship just so you can use your old strata geez and expect the other person to act like the old person to meet your old needs it sort of stops your growth. So I’m not saying don’t go out and date, go out and date and I’m not saying go I’ll a definitely go do that but don’t don’t try to replace the old person with the new person. Love the new person for who they are and create a relationship around them that is sort of distant from the kind of relationship that you had the frozen one that you had with the other with your ex so now that you dealt with the loss in the grief and your kind of moving forward and each day gets a little bit more and more easier I want you not only to work on some of your insecurities and like go back to the gym and do all these healthy cool things but also get back into the game.

When you get back into the game there’s a couple of pitfalls guys run into sometimes they’re expecting the women in the field to be as awesome and amazing and at relationships and boundaries and everything as their girlfriend that is not true most of the girls that you go out and meet are not going to be attuned to you they’re not going to grown together then I’ve created the you know memories and report everything with you that’s not because it’s not going to have happened so you’re going to get into these relationships that if you expect them to be super high level without doing all the work to build them individually you’re just going to fail that’s just going to it’s going to be horrible. And so when you go back and let ship understand you gotta focus on the basics you’re going to go out and run wheel game from ground 0 from from the ground up to build something new that’s the whole point of this thing. Secondly sometimes we’ll jump into new things to be distracted from the old relationship and that’s okay.

It’s okay to be in a new relationship distracting yourself from the old one because distraction is awesome especially when you’re getting stimulated by all the cool feelings of chase of the chase and getting a new girl into your life that’s awesome but understand that authenticity is the key. You don’t want to roll in there and be like oh yeah I just need a new girlfriend I’m going to be all just for you and probably make all these promises and stuff when basically what you’re doing is you’re rolling into a rebound. Right doesn’t mean that relationship can’t work it can and that’s awesome but it’s not necessarily going to work you should not act like it is right. You should just say look this is where I’m at I’m kind of broken here I am as a human and I want to spend some time with you I think you’re cool and you know we’ll see where it goes and when you do that you give everybody the dignity and the benefit of a doubt to build something out of the ashes of the old thing.

In the meantime you’re getting dates you’re working on your game and you’re getting even better at filtering getting better at setting boundaries and getting better at everything you are as a man. Once you change some of your insecurities from introspection and then you go out and you start dating you start getting new people into your life okay, set new standards. After the relationship freezes and you no longer have that to lean on you start to build yourself up as a man and you’re kind of complete as a whole and you’re moving out in the field and doing great of amazing things though their standards should should change, your channel should be better than the ones in the past. Your ex as she was should no longer meet those standards anymore because you are better.

By constantly growing and using the relationship as a jump point to the next level you can set your standards a little bit higher and then your ex and everybody liked her will have to raise up in order to get your attention you’ll move yourself into a new level of the dating pool with new girls who are better suited to fit your needs and you’re better suited to meet theirs. So those are my break up strategies and my getting over your ex and moving on into the next level of game.

How To Get Over Your Ex Girlfriend & Move On After Breaking Up

Hi guys Duke Delaet here for the attractive man and I wanted to go over breakups, getting over your ex and then rising from the ashes like a phoenix to get back into the game and find yourself that partner that is perfect for you. I’m going to go over some coping strategies to deal with loss and grief and how to view the other person so that everybody can grow from it and how to use the experience as a springboard to get even better at your game in the video to follow. Stay tuned You just break up with a girl. She either broke up with you or you broke up with her but something happened that you guys were not seeing eye to eye anymore and it is it is painful, it hurts and it can take you out of all of your productivity through the rest of your whole life. It’s funny there’s so many songs on the radio that just talk about breaking up and all the pain and craziness is going on with that kind of loss but what is that?

It’s loss right? It’s something that you were attached to somebody else and now you don’t have them anymore and it’s difficult to go on in the same way that you were going there’s like it’s not very so it’s like you were you’re walking with a question of the crutches gone and now you have to regain your balance by yourself and it’s it’s just bad news. There’s no easy way to get over breakups there’s a bunch of ways to reframe it will go over that because some coping strategies will go over some of those but pain is pain and emotional pain is some it’s common to us being human and it’s difficult to deal with and that’s kind of how it’s supposed to be.

So we’re going to deal with some coping strategies. First coping strategy I use right when i go to break up but i just got out of a breakup that’s what i’m talking about this stuff is you know eventually you’re gonna have to deal with seeing her again or seeing her friends or getting reminded of her or whatever and those things are just going to come up it’s going to suck right, but just like any other bad feeling that keeps you from doing the things that you want to do it’s like approach anxiety or you know fear of public speaking or stuff, you can reframe it really quickly or you can change your state really fast and it will remove the sting of that feeling. The emotion will still be there kind of back burner it though so you can still focus on something else right. One of the coolest ways we straight state changes will clap our hands or will change our body structure will focus on our breathing will focus on things that we’re not normally focused on so give it space to not focus on the pain and the loss and the grief and the hate and the and all that stuff as it comes in and kind of overwhelming they’ll use of feelings all of the feelings it will it will kind of get mitigated by the fact that you’re thinking about something else you’re focusing on something else so change your state.

A lot of guys the attractive man what they do is they’ll take cold showers and just like snap their their brain out of whatever it’s impossible and you dunk your head under cold running water to who remain in the same mental state that you were when you got in there it’s just impossible and it’s super effective, so check that out, and then you know when you doin it comes on like a song on the radio that makes you think about it you tend to want to sort of indulge in those feelings and there are a couple ways to go about that you can either indulge in those feelings and and get sad and then sort of repeat the grief loop over and over and over again or you can change state immediately and my move to a different song, sing something else like just get your brain out of that space or the third way whatever doing lately is burning that thing to the ground. This is one of my favorite coping strategies okay so if I get hurt and then something reminds me of her and I’m like a heart-wrenching craziness right I put that thing on repeat for the next hour right and eventually what happens is you’re singing along you want to try to be a driver you today I’m not saying that I crying I’m a man right right okay but yeah you saw you doing that thing and then the second time though Stewart gets a little bit more boring and the emotions don’t come and third time goes through it gets a little bit more boring and the emotions don’t come and then the same thing happens over and over and over again. You get done in like a half hour listen to the same song you’re like okay that song does not give me the same emotions as it did before it kind of works the same way progressive desensitization works when it comes to dealing with fear. It’s that thing that gave you such strong emotional responses it needs like a refractory period in between time to keep its strength after that it starts getting diluted with the other things that are going on in your day. Like you go start dealing with traffic of the song is playing and you start dealing with you get out and you’re walking along and shopping that it’s distracting you and the song is playing and all those little reference experience to start getting tied to the song and it dilutes the strength that it had with the with the other person and it’s really helpful in just sort of taking the legs out from other the strength of those feelings there’s some washing over.

You left in the same way a state change you want to do I call this the midlife crisis method, okay. Whenever I break up with somebody I go get a haircut I go I changed my clothes just a little bit I start going to the gym more I start eating healthier I used it kind of like a new year’s resolution kind of thing where I start changing everything because you know the initial launch is like okay next time she sees me I have to be better than I was right, but it’s quickly metamorphosized into a focus of being better just being better and just renewing who you were as an individual before you guys broke up because a lot of times when two people get together they sort of share each other so much that they lose part of their own identity while they’re in the relationship, which is why it hurts so much when the relationship breaks off because now it’s kind of like you’re missing a part of yourself. So use the time to focus on renewal to focus on building yourself and you’re so kind of latent uses back into focus bring all that stuff back into focus and get yourself on track to to to become a fuller more vibrant version of you. Once you do that the focus on those things is going to help you to get over the hard emotional things that come up when when you’re thinking about your ex because you’re you this kind of a light at the end of the tunnel rather than thinking oh I’m never going to get anybody like that as good as her again you go okay well I’m working on this and I’m going to meet some cool new people it’s gonna be great you go out and go be social you like oh I met already. These new people already oh you know you don’t necessarily want to replace her with somebody else but when you’re out and you’re talking it’s like this you know run a game seeing new girls like it it gives you reference experience oh yeah she’s not the only one out there she’s not the one that and she didn’t match anyway, maybe I’ll find somebody who matches better.

I’m putting yourself in that perspective and focusing on your own personal renewal he was an individual goes a long way to mitigating the crushing feelings that can come from sharing space with another person for a very long time. Keep in mind that if you break up with somebody that means that you guys have reached a point in your communication that you guys weren’t compatible. In real life when people break up they do it for one of two reasons: one to manipulate the other person into doing something or two because they don’t match. If you don’t match you don’t want that relationship back I promise.

It will just happen again and again and again ad infinitum until you guys both fucking sick of each other you want to kill each other, right. That just can and only end poorly if that’s the reason. The other one is to manipulate the other person if she breaks up with you because she was giving an ultimatum and she wanted you to change but she didn’t really want to lose you then she breaks up with you she’s still trying to offer that ultimatum and it’s still going to screw with you right.

In almost no circumstances it makes sense to get back together with somebody after a breakup. Now there are some that do you guys are so connected and it’s great and the breakup was just like a momentary hiccup or a drunken bullshit and then but now you guys are missing trust on each other’s ability to stay in the relationship and so it actually becomes more labored and stuff. One of my relationships have been dating for a very long time like seven years and she finally broke up with me like so the third time and just kicked me out and it was a just big horrible ordeal and when she wanted me back I said look we can’t date like we used to otherwise we’re just going to keep repeating the same cycle over and over again let’s build something new, let’s create a new relationship out of the ashes of the old one because the old one wasn’t working all those expectations and all that communication wasn’t working and so we started something very very different she’s no longer like we’re not shooting for the future anymore or not trying to like be anybody’s baby mama you know like all those important things that were happening over that long relationship were kind of put to bed. That relationship is kind of frozen we created a new one that is more advantageous to both of us in our current States as we stand now. But otherwise like in all cases the relationship is dead right if you want to see her again in public who she was and what you guys had together is gone like it’s not it’s not the same as it used to be and it never will be.

You guys have done too much to each other in through the break-up process that you can’t just like turn that stuff off and then come back in and expect everything to be hunky-dory okay. Just assume that that’s the case and if you engage with her again you engage with her on a human level on an individual level that isn’t backed up by all the tears of your relationship that that allowed you guys to stand on your own strength before because those tears ultimately failed you and took your whole relationship out they are going to fail you again it’s better to just assume that all that stuff is gone and it’s it’s all in the past it’s frozen you can’t get to it and then you can if you’re going to talk to her again you’re going to create a new relationship with new boundaries and new feelings and new decisions. So those are some coping mechanisms now I kind of want to talk about some strategies for dealing with the other human right.

When you break up with a girl sometimes it’s best just to cut off contact entirely like there’s just no speaking no contact no nothing you know obviously if there are kids involved there’s like you know shared property and stuff that’s like a different story but if you can just cut it all off and just give you guys time to heal and you guys come back with a more a fresh perspective without all the pain right. If you do have to talk to her again the most high level what a deal with it is with gratitude it’s with kind of thanking her for the good times that you had really really appreciated her for the qualities in the ways that she made you grow and the things that she made you see the experiences she helped you have you take all that stuff that you’re grateful for take all the things that kept you in the relationship okay call those things and just thank her for those things periodically as your as you’re communicating with whatever else you need to communicate with right. If you’re talking about stuff if you’re talking about you know meeting up and exchanging things or mutual friends or whatever you like you like you know I know a relationships over but but I really appreciated how I grew and and thank you so much for sharing our time with me and definitely wasn’t a waste it was awesome and then as you’re doing that and you focus on the good parts of the relationship it keeps your Ras from going in like demonizing or vilifying the other person it keeps your RS from like like going in and selectively focusing on all the bad stuff.

A lot of people use that as a coping mechanism and they like talk all the shit about the human in their minds so they can give themselves kind of a severance between them and another person. The problem is it is not entirely authentic if you do a severance with another person you say hey uh she was a total bitch and she’s really stupid and she’s country to me all the time and her friends are stupid she’s a sloppy eater no this isn’t right. But on the inside you still miss snuggling her you still missed the time she got together whatever it’s a dissonance and it makes you feel like shit in both ways and I say they know what don’t do that. Focus on all the good stuff right and be grateful for the experience that you had like when you get off of a roller coaster right and it was a really good time you remember the good times you know remember all the weird crazy times you were scared you don’t remember all the long wait line, you just remember the good times and that’s a good thing because it’s over right if you go digital do it again then you’re going to remember the wait time you’re going to remember all that stuff but that’s over it’s over it’s game over so you can go back and remember cherish those memories in the positive light right.

Only if you want to start it up again should you remember all the things that you should be cautious of right and in my experience you should not set up the end you should go renew yourself and go find somebody new or go find a new her after she’s going a little bit and try that again from a new place from a more mature evolved place because you’re using this breakup and you’re using the relationship as something that can sort of want you in to the next level as a man. The second way I deal with other people as gratitude not only gratitude but introspection right. I just started thinking okay how could I have done this better how could I have done this better how could I’ve done this better and not how could they have done this better because those answers are usually readily apparent but if you ask how I could have done better then you start coming up with better strategies on dealing with your relationships both with her in the future and with other women in the future because you’re learning a lot from the feedback that you got from that relationship you say how could I have done this better like in my last relationship I was traveling a lot so when I was in town I was trying to get as much time with her as possible and doing that made me come off as a little needy and it made her feel stressed out for me to be around and that was just the wrong thing for me to do and knowing that means that the next relationship I’m either going to find a woman who enjoys that kind of attention or I’m going to not do that in order to save my relationship because being able to look at it from the outside and being at respective was like what drove me to be like that why was I stressing her out why was I doing that stuff. That was because I felt like I wasn’t getting enough time and I was getting a little grass be about it I learned that about myself and it’s not going to be an issue for me in the future it’s going to help me in future relationships introspection is very very important along with gratitude as strategies for dealing with the other person in dealing with yourself as you’re growing so when you’re focusing on self-renewal there’s a couple of rules. First off you are enough a lot of times you get out of relationship you’re sort of connected the other human in a way that’s in a codependent way not into independent not like two individuals helping each other out.

Not two individuals and the relationship entity you know working in synergy it’s more like two individuals sharing with each other and then when they break off their missing parts of each other and that is just not a healthy way to deal with life’s problems and things they throw at you. Sometimes it’s okay to dip into that when you’re too weak to deal yourself and other people to build you up it takes a village sometimes but most of the time if you rely on that stuff then you’re unable to make your own decisions I’m able to do your own self-care that’s not good so you want to understand that as you’re renewing yourself you as an individual are enough to handle you. You lead you, you handle you, and knowing that you are enough to do all that stuff gives you the opportunity in your introspection to come up with ways to be more and more full version or next level version of you so that you can take you to the next level and as you take you to the next level then you can meet people who are on a higher level than your ex.

Secondly when you’re doing your introspection you have to take massive action to fix the things that aren’t as high percentage for you the things that are screwing you up right. If you have some needy behavior or if you have some insecurities that are coming up, focus on finding those things and then take a bunch of action to fix those things for me I always felt kind of physically insecure because a little bit overweight and my health problems were having it some issues. So as soon as I broke up I used all the extra resources the extra time to jump right into the gym to start working out and feeling healthier and eradicating that insecurity.

It’s going to take me a little while to get to a good good healthy weight but chipping away at that stuff is going to make me feel a lot more confident in the things that we’re taking me out through the whole time and we can go forward and do confident stuff and approach and all that so all we want but sometimes things stick with us over time if we don’t address them we’re going to need to address them eventually and having the time post-breakup to think about you know all the ways that you broke up or you can focus on fixing some of those insecurities I’d rather focus on fixing things than not. And the last thing when you’re focusing on renewal is to avoid replacing the other person. I recommend staying out of relationship for at least three months because while you’re doing all of your self-care and all in all of your coming back up and being a better individual and going to the next level as a man you’re going to meet new people along the way that are going to be fantastic relationship partners and those new people you can bring them in you can date them, you can have sex you can do all the stuff that you want but stop trying to plan a future on the new people just sort of let it unfold and kind of see what goes on because you have a lot of opportunity to learn from the dating scene while you’re there and single to jump right into a relationship just so you can use your old strata geez and expect the other person to act like the old person to meet your old needs it sort of stops your growth.

So I’m not saying don’t go out and date, go out and date and I’m not saying go I’ll a definitely go do that but don’t don’t try to replace the old person with the new person. Love the new person for who they are and create a relationship around them that is sort of distant from the kind of relationship that you had the frozen one that you had with the other with your ex so now that you dealt with the loss in the grief and your kind of moving forward and each day gets a little bit more and more easier I want you not only to work on some of your insecurities and like go back to the gym and do all these healthy cool things but also get back into the game. When you get back into the game there’s a couple of pitfalls guys run into sometimes they’re expecting the women in the field to be as awesome and amazing and at relationships and boundaries and everything as their girlfriend that is not true most of the girls that you go out and meet are not going to be attuned to you they’re not going to grown together then I’ve created the you know memories and report everything with you that’s not because it’s not going to have happened so you’re going to get into these relationships that if you expect them to be super high level without doing all the work to build them individually you’re just going to fail that’s just going to it’s going to be horrible. And so when you go back and let ship understand you gotta focus on the basics you’re going to go out and run wheel game from ground 0 from from the ground up to build something new that’s the whole point of this thing.

Secondly sometimes we’ll jump into new things to be distracted from the old relationship and that’s okay. It’s okay to be in a new relationship distracting yourself from the old one because distraction is awesome especially when you’re getting stimulated by all the cool feelings of chase of the chase and getting a new girl into your life that’s awesome but understand that authenticity is the key. You don’t want to roll in there and be like oh yeah I just need a new girlfriend I’m going to be all just for you and probably make all these promises and stuff when basically what you’re doing is you’re rolling into a rebound. Right doesn’t mean that relationship can’t work it can and that’s awesome but it’s not necessarily going to work you should not act like it is right.

You should just say look this is where I’m at I’m kind of broken here I am as a human and I want to spend some time with you I think you’re cool and you know we’ll see where it goes and when you do that you give everybody the dignity and the benefit of a doubt to build something out of the ashes of the old thing. In the meantime you’re getting dates you’re working on your game and you’re getting even better at filtering getting better at setting boundaries and getting better at everything you are as a man. Once you change some of your insecurities from introspection and then you go out and you start dating you start getting new people into your life okay, set new standards. After the relationship freezes and you no longer have that to lean on you start to build yourself up as a man and you’re kind of complete as a whole and you’re moving out in the field and doing great of amazing things though their standards should should change, your channel should be better than the ones in the past.

Your ex as she was should no longer meet those standards anymore because you are better. By constantly growing and using the relationship as a jump point to the next level you can set your standards a little bit higher and then your ex and everybody liked her will have to raise up in order to get your attention you’ll move yourself into a new level of the dating pool with new girls who are better suited to fit your needs and you’re better suited to meet theirs. So those are my break up strategies and my getting over your ex and moving on into the next level of game.

How To Get Over Your Ex Girlfriend & Move On After Breaking Up

Hi guys Duke Delaet here for the attractive man and I wanted to go over breakups, getting over your ex and then rising from the ashes like a phoenix to get back into the game and find yourself that partner that is perfect for you. I’m going to go over some coping strategies to deal with loss and grief and how to view the other person so that everybody can grow from it and how to use the experience as a springboard to get even better at your game in the video to follow. Stay tuned You just break up with a girl. She either broke up with you or you broke up with her but something happened that you guys were not seeing eye to eye anymore and it is it is painful, it hurts and it can take you out of all of your productivity through the rest of your whole life.

It’s funny there’s so many songs on the radio that just talk about breaking up and all the pain and craziness is going on with that kind of loss but what is that? It’s loss right? It’s something that you were attached to somebody else and now you don’t have them anymore and it’s difficult to go on in the same way that you were going there’s like it’s not very so it’s like you were you’re walking with a question of the crutches gone and now you have to regain your balance by yourself and it’s it’s just bad news.

There’s no easy way to get over breakups there’s a bunch of ways to reframe it will go over that because some coping strategies will go over some of those but pain is pain and emotional pain is some it’s common to us being human and it’s difficult to deal with and that’s kind of how it’s supposed to be. So we’re going to deal with some coping strategies. First coping strategy I use right when i go to break up but i just got out of a breakup that’s what i’m talking about this stuff is you know eventually you’re gonna have to deal with seeing her again or seeing her friends or getting reminded of her or whatever and those things are just going to come up it’s going to suck right, but just like any other bad feeling that keeps you from doing the things that you want to do it’s like approach anxiety or you know fear of public speaking or stuff, you can reframe it really quickly or you can change your state really fast and it will remove the sting of that feeling.

The emotion will still be there kind of back burner it though so you can still focus on something else right. One of the coolest ways we straight state changes will clap our hands or will change our body structure will focus on our breathing will focus on things that we’re not normally focused on so give it space to not focus on the pain and the loss and the grief and the hate and the and all that stuff as it comes in and kind of overwhelming they’ll use of feelings all of the feelings it will it will kind of get mitigated by the fact that you’re thinking about something else you’re focusing on something else so change your state. A lot of guys the attractive man what they do is they’ll take cold showers and just like snap their their brain out of whatever it’s impossible and you dunk your head under cold running water to who remain in the same mental state that you were when you got in there it’s just impossible and it’s super effective, so check that out, and then you know when you doin it comes on like a song on the radio that makes you think about it you tend to want to sort of indulge in those feelings and there are a couple ways to go about that you can either indulge in those feelings and and get sad and then sort of repeat the grief loop over and over and over again or you can change state immediately and my move to a different song, sing something else like just get your brain out of that space or the third way whatever doing lately is burning that thing to the ground. This is one of my favorite coping strategies okay so if I get hurt and then something reminds me of her and I’m like a heart-wrenching craziness right I put that thing on repeat for the next hour right and eventually what happens is you’re singing along you want to try to be a driver you today I’m not saying that I crying I’m a man right right okay but yeah you saw you doing that thing and then the second time though Stewart gets a little bit more boring and the emotions don’t come and third time goes through it gets a little bit more boring and the emotions don’t come and then the same thing happens over and over and over again.

You get done in like a half hour listen to the same song you’re like okay that song does not give me the same emotions as it did before it kind of works the same way progressive desensitization works when it comes to dealing with fear. It’s that thing that gave you such strong emotional responses it needs like a refractory period in between time to keep its strength after that it starts getting diluted with the other things that are going on in your day. Like you go start dealing with traffic of the song is playing and you start dealing with you get out and you’re walking along and shopping that it’s distracting you and the song is playing and all those little reference experience to start getting tied to the song and it dilutes the strength that it had with the with the other person and it’s really helpful in just sort of taking the legs out from other the strength of those feelings there’s some washing over.

You left in the same way a state change you want to do I call this the midlife crisis method, okay. Whenever I break up with somebody I go get a haircut I go I changed my clothes just a little bit I start going to the gym more I start eating healthier I used it kind of like a new year’s resolution kind of thing where I start changing everything because you know the initial launch is like okay next time she sees me I have to be better than I was right, but it’s quickly metamorphosized into a focus of being better just being better and just renewing who you were as an individual before you guys broke up because a lot of times when two people get together they sort of share each other so much that they lose part of their own identity while they’re in the relationship, which is why it hurts so much when the relationship breaks off because now it’s kind of like you’re missing a part of yourself. So use the time to focus on renewal to focus on building yourself and you’re so kind of latent uses back into focus bring all that stuff back into focus and get yourself on track to to to become a fuller more vibrant version of you. Once you do that the focus on those things is going to help you to get over the hard emotional things that come up when when you’re thinking about your ex because you’re you this kind of a light at the end of the tunnel rather than thinking oh I’m never going to get anybody like that as good as her again you go okay well I’m working on this and I’m going to meet some cool new people it’s gonna be great you go out and go be social you like oh I met already. These new people already oh you know you don’t necessarily want to replace her with somebody else but when you’re out and you’re talking it’s like this you know run a game seeing new girls like it it gives you reference experience oh yeah she’s not the only one out there she’s not the one that and she didn’t match anyway, maybe I’ll find somebody who matches better.

I’m putting yourself in that perspective and focusing on your own personal renewal he was an individual goes a long way to mitigating the crushing feelings that can come from sharing space with another person for a very long time. Keep in mind that if you break up with somebody that means that you guys have reached a point in your communication that you guys weren’t compatible. In real life when people break up they do it for one of two reasons: one to manipulate the other person into doing something or two because they don’t match. If you don’t match you don’t want that relationship back I promise. It will just happen again and again and again ad infinitum until you guys both fucking sick of each other you want to kill each other, right.

That just can and only end poorly if that’s the reason. The other one is to manipulate the other person if she breaks up with you because she was giving an ultimatum and she wanted you to change but she didn’t really want to lose you then she breaks up with you she’s still trying to offer that ultimatum and it’s still going to screw with you right. In almost no circumstances it makes sense to get back together with somebody after a breakup. Now there are some that do you guys are so connected and it’s great and the breakup was just like a momentary hiccup or a drunken bullshit and then but now you guys are missing trust on each other’s ability to stay in the relationship and so it actually becomes more labored and stuff.

One of my relationships have been dating for a very long time like seven years and she finally broke up with me like so the third time and just kicked me out and it was a just big horrible ordeal and when she wanted me back I said look we can’t date like we used to otherwise we’re just going to keep repeating the same cycle over and over again let’s build something new, let’s create a new relationship out of the ashes of the old one because the old one wasn’t working all those expectations and all that communication wasn’t working and so we started something very very different she’s no longer like we’re not shooting for the future anymore or not trying to like be anybody’s baby mama you know like all those important things that were happening over that long relationship were kind of put to bed. That relationship is kind of frozen we created a new one that is more advantageous to both of us in our current States as we stand now. But otherwise like in all cases the relationship is dead right if you want to see her again in public who she was and what you guys had together is gone like it’s not it’s not the same as it used to be and it never will be. You guys have done too much to each other in through the break-up process that you can’t just like turn that stuff off and then come back in and expect everything to be hunky-dory okay.

Just assume that that’s the case and if you engage with her again you engage with her on a human level on an individual level that isn’t backed up by all the tears of your relationship that that allowed you guys to stand on your own strength before because those tears ultimately failed you and took your whole relationship out they are going to fail you again it’s better to just assume that all that stuff is gone and it’s it’s all in the past it’s frozen you can’t get to it and then you can if you’re going to talk to her again you’re going to create a new relationship with new boundaries and new feelings and new decisions. So those are some coping mechanisms now I kind of want to talk about some strategies for dealing with the other human right. When you break up with a girl sometimes it’s best just to cut off contact entirely like there’s just no speaking no contact no nothing you know obviously if there are kids involved there’s like you know shared property and stuff that’s like a different story but if you can just cut it all off and just give you guys time to heal and you guys come back with a more a fresh perspective without all the pain right.

If you do have to talk to her again the most high level what a deal with it is with gratitude it’s with kind of thanking her for the good times that you had really really appreciated her for the qualities in the ways that she made you grow and the things that she made you see the experiences she helped you have you take all that stuff that you’re grateful for take all the things that kept you in the relationship okay call those things and just thank her for those things periodically as your as you’re communicating with whatever else you need to communicate with right. If you’re talking about stuff if you’re talking about you know meeting up and exchanging things or mutual friends or whatever you like you like you know I know a relationships over but but I really appreciated how I grew and and thank you so much for sharing our time with me and definitely wasn’t a waste it was awesome and then as you’re doing that and you focus on the good parts of the relationship it keeps your Ras from going in like demonizing or vilifying the other person it keeps your RS from like like going in and selectively focusing on all the bad stuff. A lot of people use that as a coping mechanism and they like talk all the shit about the human in their minds so they can give themselves kind of a severance between them and another person.

The problem is it is not entirely authentic if you do a severance with another person you say hey uh she was a total bitch and she’s really stupid and she’s country to me all the time and her friends are stupid she’s a sloppy eater no this isn’t right. But on the inside you still miss snuggling her you still missed the time she got together whatever it’s a dissonance and it makes you feel like shit in both ways and I say they know what don’t do that. Focus on all the good stuff right and be grateful for the experience that you had like when you get off of a roller coaster right and it was a really good time you remember the good times you know remember all the weird crazy times you were scared you don’t remember all the long wait line, you just remember the good times and that’s a good thing because it’s over right if you go digital do it again then you’re going to remember the wait time you’re going to remember all that stuff but that’s over it’s over it’s game over so you can go back and remember cherish those memories in the positive light right.

Only if you want to start it up again should you remember all the things that you should be cautious of right and in my experience you should not set up the end you should go renew yourself and go find somebody new or go find a new her after she’s going a little bit and try that again from a new place from a more mature evolved place because you’re using this breakup and you’re using the relationship as something that can sort of want you in to the next level as a man. The second way I deal with other people as gratitude not only gratitude but introspection right. I just started thinking okay how could I have done this better how could I have done this better how could I’ve done this better and not how could they have done this better because those answers are usually readily apparent but if you ask how I could have done better then you start coming up with better strategies on dealing with your relationships both with her in the future and with other women in the future because you’re learning a lot from the feedback that you got from that relationship you say how could I have done this better like in my last relationship I was traveling a lot so when I was in town I was trying to get as much time with her as possible and doing that made me come off as a little needy and it made her feel stressed out for me to be around and that was just the wrong thing for me to do and knowing that means that the next relationship I’m either going to find a woman who enjoys that kind of attention or I’m going to not do that in order to save my relationship because being able to look at it from the outside and being at respective was like what drove me to be like that why was I stressing her out why was I doing that stuff. That was because I felt like I wasn’t getting enough time and I was getting a little grass be about it I learned that about myself and it’s not going to be an issue for me in the future it’s going to help me in future relationships introspection is very very important along with gratitude as strategies for dealing with the other person in dealing with yourself as you’re growing so when you’re focusing on self-renewal there’s a couple of rules. First off you are enough a lot of times you get out of relationship you’re sort of connected the other human in a way that’s in a codependent way not into independent not like two individuals helping each other out.

Not two individuals and the relationship entity you know working in synergy it’s more like two individuals sharing with each other and then when they break off their missing parts of each other and that is just not a healthy way to deal with life’s problems and things they throw at you. Sometimes it’s okay to dip into that when you’re too weak to deal yourself and other people to build you up it takes a village sometimes but most of the time if you rely on that stuff then you’re unable to make your own decisions I’m able to do your own self-care that’s not good so you want to understand that as you’re renewing yourself you as an individual are enough to handle you. You lead you, you handle you, and knowing that you are enough to do all that stuff gives you the opportunity in your introspection to come up with ways to be more and more full version or next level version of you so that you can take you to the next level and as you take you to the next level then you can meet people who are on a higher level than your ex. Secondly when you’re doing your introspection you have to take massive action to fix the things that aren’t as high percentage for you the things that are screwing you up right.

If you have some needy behavior or if you have some insecurities that are coming up, focus on finding those things and then take a bunch of action to fix those things for me I always felt kind of physically insecure because a little bit overweight and my health problems were having it some issues. So as soon as I broke up I used all the extra resources the extra time to jump right into the gym to start working out and feeling healthier and eradicating that insecurity. It’s going to take me a little while to get to a good good healthy weight but chipping away at that stuff is going to make me feel a lot more confident in the things that we’re taking me out through the whole time and we can go forward and do confident stuff and approach and all that so all we want but sometimes things stick with us over time if we don’t address them we’re going to need to address them eventually and having the time post-breakup to think about you know all the ways that you broke up or you can focus on fixing some of those insecurities I’d rather focus on fixing things than not. And the last thing when you’re focusing on renewal is to avoid replacing the other person.

I recommend staying out of relationship for at least three months because while you’re doing all of your self-care and all in all of your coming back up and being a better individual and going to the next level as a man you’re going to meet new people along the way that are going to be fantastic relationship partners and those new people you can bring them in you can date them, you can have sex you can do all the stuff that you want but stop trying to plan a future on the new people just sort of let it unfold and kind of see what goes on because you have a lot of opportunity to learn from the dating scene while you’re there and single to jump right into a relationship just so you can use your old strata geez and expect the other person to act like the old person to meet your old needs it sort of stops your growth. So I’m not saying don’t go out and date, go out and date and I’m not saying go I’ll a definitely go do that but don’t don’t try to replace the old person with the new person. Love the new person for who they are and create a relationship around them that is sort of distant from the kind of relationship that you had the frozen one that you had with the other with your ex so now that you dealt with the loss in the grief and your kind of moving forward and each day gets a little bit more and more easier I want you not only to work on some of your insecurities and like go back to the gym and do all these healthy cool things but also get back into the game. When you get back into the game there’s a couple of pitfalls guys run into sometimes they’re expecting the women in the field to be as awesome and amazing and at relationships and boundaries and everything as their girlfriend that is not true most of the girls that you go out and meet are not going to be attuned to you they’re not going to grown together then I’ve created the you know memories and report everything with you that’s not because it’s not going to have happened so you’re going to get into these relationships that if you expect them to be super high level without doing all the work to build them individually you’re just going to fail that’s just going to it’s going to be horrible. And so when you go back and let ship understand you gotta focus on the basics you’re going to go out and run wheel game from ground 0 from from the ground up to build something new that’s the whole point of this thing.

Secondly sometimes we’ll jump into new things to be distracted from the old relationship and that’s okay. It’s okay to be in a new relationship distracting yourself from the old one because distraction is awesome especially when you’re getting stimulated by all the cool feelings of chase of the chase and getting a new girl into your life that’s awesome but understand that authenticity is the key. You don’t want to roll in there and be like oh yeah I just need a new girlfriend I’m going to be all just for you and probably make all these promises and stuff when basically what you’re doing is you’re rolling into a rebound. Right doesn’t mean that relationship can’t work it can and that’s awesome but it’s not necessarily going to work you should not act like it is right.

You should just say look this is where I’m at I’m kind of broken here I am as a human and I want to spend some time with you I think you’re cool and you know we’ll see where it goes and when you do that you give everybody the dignity and the benefit of a doubt to build something out of the ashes of the old thing. In the meantime you’re getting dates you’re working on your game and you’re getting even better at filtering getting better at setting boundaries and getting better at everything you are as a man. Once you change some of your insecurities from introspection and then you go out and you start dating you start getting new people into your life okay, set new standards.

After the relationship freezes and you no longer have that to lean on you start to build yourself up as a man and you’re kind of complete as a whole and you’re moving out in the field and doing great of amazing things though their standards should should change, your channel should be better than the ones in the past. Your ex as she was should no longer meet those standards anymore because you are better. By constantly growing and using the relationship as a jump point to the next level you can set your standards a little bit higher and then your ex and everybody liked her will have to raise up in order to get your attention you’ll move yourself into a new level of the dating pool with new girls who are better suited to fit your needs and you’re better suited to meet theirs.

So those are my break up strategies and my getting over your ex and moving on into the next level of game.